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Rosalind Wiseman is an internationally recognized author and educator on children, teens, parenting, education and social justice. Her work aims to help parents, educators and young people successfully navigate the social challenges of young adulthood.
Rosalind Wiseman
creating cultures of dignity
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Rosalind’s Articles
Family Circle: Ask Rosalind, October 2006
Q. My 15-year-old son’s friends are all allowed to go to concerts by themselves, which I’m not comfortable with. What should I do?
A. Since someone has to provide the transportation, you (or another responsible adult) should go with them — and stay. Either read a book in the parking lot or sit in the audience two rows up and a little over. You’ll be close enough to keep an eye on them but far enough away so you aren’t completely embarrassing. Well before the event make a plan with every parent and child about when and where you’ll meet the kids after the concert and the protocol if someone doesn’t show up. Although I’m not a huge fan of kids having their own cell phones, in this situation they should have one, and you should have their numbers. If someone doesn’t appear within 10 minutes of the agreed-upon time, call him. If he hasn’t shown up within 20 minutes, contact his parents.
Family Circle: Ask Rosalind, September 2006
Q. My 14-year-old daughter calls me her best friend. While I like it, I’m concerned she’s depending on me too much. How do I encourage her to have her own pals?
A. First off, could you be jumping to conclusions? Parents often worry that their children are having problems when they don’t have a large group of friends. Some kids are social butterflies, but others are more comfortable being close to just a few people — and those friendships are usually really strong. If your daughter has only a few friends and she feels good around those people, don’t worry about it. If she has no friends, involve her in activities outside of school — art lessons, for example — so she can have relationships with other people and isn’t totally dependent on you.
Family Circle: Ask Rosalind, August 2006
Q. My 13-year-old daughter has started demanding clothes I can’t afford — and I’m not wild about her choices, either. I’m tired of arguing with her. Is there a way to work out a compromise?
A. You’re absolutely right not to sacrifice common sense by giving in to, “Mom, you don’t understand, all my friends have it.” First, decide on a clothing budget. Then ask your daughter to write down a list of moderately priced stores she’s willing to shop at — with your approval — along with a plan for her to earn the extra money for anything that goes over your budget. But make it clear that earning the money doesn’t mean she gets to buy whatever she wants. Set up parameters — how high heels can be, how much belly can be bared (if any) and so on. And if shopping together is torture, send her with someone you trust who she thinks is cool, like an older sister, aunt, or friend’s mother.
Family Circle: Ask Rosalind, July 2006
Q. My 9-year-old has been invited for a week at the beach with a family we don’t know very well. He wants to go, but I don’t know how much supervision the kids will get and whether my son’s ready to be away from home. How do I decide?
A. Has your son had successful sleepovers with friends and relatives? If not, don’t start with this vacation. But if he has, your next step is to meet with the other parents. Open the conversation by asking about their general plans, at which point you can ease into a discussion about safety rules. How will the kids be supervised at the beach and elsewhere? Will they be expected to adhere to a buddy system? Also, ask about family guidelines regarding chores, bedtimes, and TV. Your goal is to learn about their rules, without making them feel defensive, while you let them know what your standards are.
Family Circle: Ask Rosalind, July 2006
Q. My 9-year-old has been invited for a week at the beach with a family we don’t know very well. He wants to go, but I don’t know how much supervision the kids will get and whether my son’s ready to be away from home. How do I decide?
A. Has your son had successful sleepovers with friends and relatives? If not, don’t start with this vacation. But if he has, your next step is to meet with the other parents. Open the conversation by asking about their general plans, at which point you can ease into a discussion about safety rules. How will the kids be supervised at the beach and elsewhere? Will they be expected to adhere to a buddy system? Also, ask about family guidelines regarding chores, bedtimes, and TV. Your goal is to learn about their rules, without making them feel defensive, while you let them know what your standards are.
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