Rosalind’s Articles
Technology, for its many upsides, also makes it easier for cruel kids to go way beyond mean. The best way to keep everybody safe amidst social networking sites and cell phones is for parents to learn some tough new tactics.
Over the last few years, I have paid closed attention to the news stories coming out about former and current students of the Landon School, a prestigious all-boys school in Bethesda, Maryland. First there were the Duke lacrosse players, some of whom were Landon alum, then it was an SAT cheating scandal, and then, in quick succession, George Huguely’s arrest for murdering his girlfriend at UVA.
Q. My son is a stellar athlete and student and has lots of friends. We’ve always had a zero-tolerance alcohol policy, but lately he’s been binge drinking. He says he’ll be on his own at college next year and we should accept that he’s going to do what he wants. What should his consequences be now?
A. I think your son’s accomplishments are blinding you to how he’s rationalizing his behavior. So tell him that your rules still stand. But you have a bigger problem. You need to get him into counseling right now while you have some control. Binge drinking will kill his brain cells and liver cells—and he’s not going to get those back.
Q. My 17-year-old was on the cheer squad for two years but didn’t make next fall’s team. She’s devastated and wants to switch schools. How can I make her understand that this is life?
A. You’re right that disappointments happen, but try not to come across as dismissing her feelings. Cheering is part of her identity and losing her spot is hugely humiliating. So first acknowledge, sincerely, how difficult the situation is. Then remind her that she has the strength to make sure this loss doesn’t define her. You also need to tell her that she can’t blame the girl who took her place, because being mean goes against everything you’ve taught her about showing good character in difficult situations.
Q. We moved to a new town four years ago and my 8-year-old still has only one friend who invites him over. Should I be worried?