At our first board meeting I was surrounded by fascinating people while also contributing my vast knowledge of teens. Everyone at the meeting connected with youth in some aspect and we all have a passion for teens, especially in creating places where teens are important and their voices are heard. (You can check out my fellow advisory board members here.) We had lively discussions, which for adults means when we disagreed with anyone, it was politely and with a smile. I mean, what can one expect? It was our first meeting.

One thing that stuck out for me (besides the fact that the president of Taylor Swift’s record company said data and statistics are old as soon as they’re created so what’s the point in paying attention to them) was that a statement was made about how negatively teens are portrayed in the media. My opinion is slightly different unless we were going to talk specifically about race, class, socioeconomics etc. But since we didn’t go there and the meeting was referencing teens “in general”, I personally think teens are portrayed in a positive, strong way and that adults are the ones who look dumb and seem to lack knowledge, especially on television. (Check out my colleague, Candace Nuzzo’s recent blog on this subject.)

So what do you think? Focusing first on commercials and television shows, are teens (ages 12-16) portrayed negatively by the media? If so, would you mind giving examples?

Shanterra McBride discusses sexting and how to talk about it with kids.

Can you remember your first love? How did it feel?

“But you don’t understand, they don’t understand! No one understands how much I love him!”

Sound familiar? I can’t count the number of times I have heard this from a 16-year-old girl with tears streaming down her face as I’m trying to understand her words through her snot and wheezing! And the truth is I can’t count the number I’ve said it myself! Like 188 million…Ok, I digress…

But honestly, I share that I’ve said it because I need young people to understand they are not alone. You are not alone! Everyone has been in love a time or two or twelve, especially between the ages of 13-18! That’s the most intense love you’ll ever feel! Trust me, I know! You think about this person 95% of your day and the other 5% is split between school, friends, shopping and every now and then, family. So yeah, I get it.

Which is why I’m concerned with what your love makes you do. Does it make you smile? Does it make you giggle? Do you get all nervous when the love of your life comes walking towards you down the hall? Are your FaceBook and MySpace pages, phone and computer completely covered with the pictures of you two? And must you talk 47 times a day? Now, none of this is wrong, I’m just asking…what does your love make you do? Does it make you totally forget everything–like eating lunch or dinner or more specifically–things your parents asked you to do?

Here’s the deal. If your relationship is so wonderful, and I believe you believe it really is and therefore I don’t disagree with you. I just ask you to think about why does it make you deliberately do things you know you shouldn’t, like skip class, stay out past the time your parents asked you to be home,  lie about where you’re really going, ya know, things that make parents feel your love is destructive and not good for you.

Before yelling and trying to be understood through your snot, take a second to really think about what your love (and perhaps grab a tissue). I mean, do they have a point? Maybe not a huge point, maybe just a small point. You have been making up stuff more than usual and maybe your grades are slipping just a little bit, right? Maybe?

Because see, I believe love should bring out the best in you. Love is patient, gentle, kind…beautiful. Yeah, I’m a sap, but really… Love is something others should be able to recognize when they see you’re in it, especially those who love you. And trust me; I’m also talking to myself here. See, love shouldn’t ever make me lie, hide things, miss important events (yes, chemistry class is considered an important event)…it should encourage me to continue to be my best. And those who love me want the best for me right? Especially those who loved me first…yup, back on the parents. They want the best for you…they really do. And if your love is bringing out the best then they should love it for you. But they can only go off of what your love tells them, shows them.

So what do you think? What does your love make you do?

Imagine you’re playing the $25,000 Pyramid and you’re in the winner’s circle. Your celebrity partner gives you the following clues: Shared lip gloss. Secrets. Sleepovers. Screaming at the Jonas Brothers concert. BFF. Shopping. 1,000 text messages a day between them.

Your answer for $25,000?

Girls’ friendships!

Friendships can be the best relationship in the world. They can also be more complicated and complex than what we give them credit for. And although they’re complex and at times even hurtful, I would venture to say that they’re also priceless. But what about those few times when it’s hard being friends with girls? It’s easy to plan the sleepover and the trip to the mall, but what do we do when it’s obvious there is drama in BFF land?

It used to be that when girls fought one major incident happened and only a small group was involved within the tension in the hall. Girls were very careful about maintaining a nice facade for everyone, especially the adults. There would be a certain tone in a girl’s voice as she said hello and walked by with her group. Her hello was laced with “hello you little nothing whose reputation I will totally destroy by making sure you are left alone, dissed and dismissed, especially at lunch!” And not only was the tone important but the look she gave while saying hello. The look that seemed to have the power to follow you down the hall to your next class and sit with you at your desk. Yes, that look!

But we know this right? I’ve worked with thousands of girls and they aren’t any different than how I was as a teen; the only thing that has changed is that girls today are stronger, smarter and don’t mind being noticed, which on the large scale, is a great thing. However, with creating stronger, smarter, more outgoing girls, we’ve failed to create girls with compassion, girls with sincere kindness and girls who aren’t striving to be number one by any means necessary.

So if you have a daughter or simply close to a teenage girl, here are 3 things you can do to help her finish strong, smart and most of all, finish well:

1. Expand her world and not just with technology. Involve girls in activities outside of their school so they are exposed to different groups of people.  This way, the girls at school won’t be her only survival method and she’ll have other adults to lean on and trust. Girls need adults who won’t judge them by the “popularity standard” of their middle and high school peers.
2. Ask for the whole story. Girls will more quickly share with you when they’ve been wounded than run tell you when they initiate or participate in wounding someone else. So talk with her about both sides of the story.
3. Tell it! Talk to her about your friendships, the biggest argument you’ve ever had with another girl and how it turned out. And try not to leave out the good stuff. You know, when the girl you confronted yelled at you in front of the cafeteria and told you to kiss her grits or something to that effect…yeah, don’t leave that part out.

Listen, we have to let our girls see us as real-life people still trying to get it right. Regardless of how uninterested she seems in you at times, she is listening and watching. Being a teenage girl isn’t the $25,000 Pyramid, its real life. Therefore, the contestant she’s forced to be can take a different turn when you take your spot with her in the winners circle…you can help her finish well!