Admittedly, I never made it to a ‘traditional camp’ until I was a parent. We moved duty stations during summers, and if we didn’t, we were ‘free range kids,’ amped with self reliance, creative spunk, and behavior tethered by emotional rather than electronic ties to our parents.

Still, I had a media snapshot of what camp would be, part The Parent Trap slumber party mischief and MacGyver resourcefulness packed into life lessons that last.

By the time I made it to camp by chaperoning scouts, eco adventures, and teaching wildlife to brownies, the whole camp thing had shifted to a personal “experience” where kids could track their own interests versus the ‘sampler pack’ approach of ‘do it all, see what sticks.’

One peek at a site like KidsCamps.com and you’ll find every specialized niche market imaginable, from sports, special needs, and academics to Microsoft’s DigiGirlz foray into techno prowess and STEM.

Kind of limiting though, when societal trends towards specialization apply to kids (e.g. some track into “their sport” early on and show up ’seasoned’ by second grade; sheesh; what’s the rush?) Why narrow cast  likes and dislikes so early on when kids haven’t even been exposed to a full spectrum of choices?

Seems more like clipping fledgling wings rather than stretching them; especially when it comes to summer camp, the ’sampler pack’ of activities in all kinds of flavors of fun…

Granted, camps are mega buck businesses nowadays with many dual-working parents planning their summer slate in Excel spreadsheet splendor as the New Year begins just ‘to get them in’ to the best offerings so they’re not stuck twiddling thumbs in a lame, less-productive summer camp experience, coughing up cash for a place junior doesn’t even want to be.

But in some ways, it seems like we’re going backwards rather than forwards in child development when “camps” become nothing more than marketing bonanzas and gender divisions that draw fictional lines in the sand between the sexes in “us and them” thinking.

We might as well be “playing war,” in a battle of the sexes. Senseless, I say. Thank gawd I’m not alone…

Melissa Wardy, CEO of PigtailPals, wrote an article recently with her strident, straightforward take on what I call the “scary fairy syndrome”, and as I commented in her original post,  “I’m frankly surprised marketers haven’t started hawking ‘pink camping camo and canteens for a ‘girl spin’ on ‘ruggedness’ since it seems nothing can just ‘be’ without a gender defining ‘bow in the hair, long lashes, or other telltale signs of foisted identity into kids’ mindshare. (oops, oh, wait, they have!)

Between obesity issues of kids sitting vs. romping and the pink and blue segmentation of pre-defined gender interests (again, media defining kids before they can define themselves) it’s high time we quit usurping childhood into a “market opportunity segment” and let kids choose through their own love of discovery, exposure to new different scenarios, and choices and opportunities.

If it’s princesses, fine. Pirates, okay…just level the playing field and make a case for make-believe without interfering in the exploration process.

Same  gender issues apply with robotics, rocket building, and technology camps…Or cooking, video-producing, or arts endeavors…It doesn’t need to be pink or blue, people!

These are NOT boy VS girl ‘either/or issues,’ they are universally equal interest areas…IF we leave them alone and allow them to choose interests without skewing the focus. Bah.

About the Every Girl, Every Boy Poster: This is my latest purchase from my fave folks at Reach and Teach.com, a peace and social justice learning company advocating for human rights for all. I think you can read it in the size I plopped in, but it leads off: “For every girl who is tired of acting weak when she is strong, there is a boy tired of appearing strong when he feels vulnerable…and goes on to make some poignant points that all of us have seen/heard on playgrounds or in our own lives over the years.

It’s now up on my wall as a reminder that it is NOT an either/or world but an interdependent, inclusive one…The only ‘battle’ is not between the sexes, it is a fight for the hearts and minds of our children, to be free of narrowcast, limited stereotypes that have fouled up many a family over time. Check ‘em out. They’ve got some stellar teaching tools that ’speak the truth’ and open up great conversations.

This blog originally appeared on ShapingYouth.org

If you liked this, you might also like:

The Single Ladies Outrage and the Crisis of Girls Sexualization

What About Boys? “Packaging Boyhood”, Authors Respond

After 16 years of print, New Moon Girls’ expanded online to add a richness and color to the digital dialog, creating an entire community of shared art, hopes, dreams and inspiration…launched exactly one year ago today, on Founder Nancy Gruver’s birthday. (my article on it here)

Today? Her birthday wish is to try to help save it, before the coffers run cold by year’s end. Do you want ad-free content for self-expression sans ‘diet ads’ and ‘get the guy’ stories for girls? This is the place.

I don’t know about you, but saving an ad-free zine and a company rich in tradition where girls can safely share, create, learn, and grow by celebrating their individuality instead of sipping the pop culture Kool-Aid is money well spent. And celebrating one of the world’s great advocacy orgs for girls, giving media that’s less than a latte per month? Screamin’ deal all around.

Here’s more on Shaping Youth’s first-ever affiliate alliance…See our New Moon badge on our right sidebar? Everytime you click it and order a paid subscription, Shaping Youth gets $10. Considering we’re in the same boat (that would be the leaking vessel sans funding plug) this serves as a double whammy opportunity to help us and help them!

So tick-tock parents and friends of tween girls; hurry to help!

You can gift an entire YEAR of New Moon Girls Media (online and off!) for less than a cup of cocoa each month…AND Save New Moon (join the Facebook event) from shuttering their community by girls for girls.

That’s an offer I warmed up to right away, as a win-win for girls (and for Shaping Youth).

Some may ask why pay even a pittance to subscribe when so much internet content is free? Let’s be blunt…commercial sites are far from free.

In fact tween/teen ‘lifestyle’ mags come at a VERY high cost to girls image and self-worth selling products and personas that define 8-12 year olds before they even get a chance to define themselves. Wouldn’t you rather see girl-created poetry, prose, safe chat, advice, and peer to peer polls and points of view? I sure would.

Don’t have a preteen girl? Forward to a friend that does.

Consider becoming an affiliate member to spread the word on your blog, like Tracee’s post here on The Girl Revolution or this supportive post on Julia Barry’s In Her Image blog, or the ‘new to me’ Irked Magazine. Gift a membership to a school, library or girls program.

New Moon Girls has its own ‘fan page’ on Facebook and also a new Save New Moon ‘event’ now through year’s end, so fan it, track it, tweet it and blast it out far and wide to raise girls’ voices in support of one another.

Along those lines, Hardy Girls Healthy Women is asking ALL girls to help ‘name this girl-driven campaign’ prior to launch, and though I’ll do a separate post on that and toss a few free/fun names their way for consideration from my branding background for to kick things off and maybe add to their list, make no mistake, this campaign will be led BY girls, FOR girls.

The supporting orgs (Shaping Youth, New Moon Girls Media, Packaging Girlhood, Rachel Simmons/Girls Leadership & many more) will unite as a MAJOR force of mobilization, addressing the early sexualization of girls and their increasingly toxic objectification in the media at ever-younger ages.

It’ll be rebel yell FROM the girls themselves with a fun media spin and some hilarious antics in guerilla marketing mode…so stay tuned for more as it shapes up over time…

Collegiates and teens will no doubt lead the pack in this fun fest, as girls rattle some cages of brands and biggies. Believe me, there’s bound to be “a whole lotta shakin’ goin’ on!”

Invite all to join the ‘smart girls at the party’ and see what comes of the groundwork starting to be seeded. Vote (or add) your favorite name for the HGHW.org movement today…

Thanks for supporting our first-ever effort to affiliate with an org…If this works nicely, we may add it to our ‘rev gen’ model as another outreach component.

So SAVE NEW MOON and HELP SHAPING YOUTH by ordering a gift subscription here for a girl you know today!

Countdown to 12-31-09…um, hurry please?

This blog originally appeared on ShapingYouth.org

Other topics you might like

• Shaping Youth Joins New Moon Girls Media As Affiliate Partner — Nov. 5, 2009 New Moon Girl Media had a massive makeover last year giving girls 8 and up a vibrant, social, supportive space to express…

• New Moon Girl Media Officially Launches on Founder’s Birthday! — Bringing girls voices to the world, New Moon Girl Media’s online community vaults out of beta testing to be “born” on Founder Nancy Gruver’s birthday…

• Childhood Matters Radio Show: Raising Strong, Healthy Girls Today — July 19, 2009 Here are some of the brand new resources or lesser known resources I named on the air today for those seeking SOLUTIONS…

• Smart Girls At the Party.TV: Interview with SNL’s Amy Poehler — With eight seasons of Saturday Night Live under her belt, I automatically thought SNL actress Amy Poehler’s new digital TV series would be a spoof…

• Media Musts To Wrap Up “All Things Girl” Week (Part One) — To whittle down to a handful of ‘media musts’ for our grand finale of ‘All Things Girl’ week has been hard, so I’m going to…

Okay, I promised NOT to do a Halloween Horrors bit on girls’ costumes and tramp vamp cues (been there, done that) BUT the irony in the timing of this post from Australia titled, “Musical Tarts are Infecting Our Children” that referenced us here at Shaping Youth about the influence of the lyrics and antics of Ms. Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta (aka Lady Gaga) was too ripe not to riff upon.

Why? Well, ironically, my 12-year old sweet tween advisor in L.A. just sent me the Teen Vogue reader-voted picks for ‘top costumes 2009,’ (which we all know is read by preteens in aspirational/age compression dialed down demographic mode) to share that Lady Gaga won the tween/teen girls’ top vote for celeb DIY trick or treating costume… (Isn’t that just ducky?)

Not sure if she was sending me this as a ‘heads up’ or as social commentary, but she plopped the link in my inbox noting Teen Vogue’s prose: “With her signature sunglasses, blunt blonde bangs, and flair for stealing the spotlight, channeling this pop sensation is as easy as throwing on your favorite sunnies and striking a pose.”

Now, I’d like to think girls voted this top celeb pick because LadyGaga is so outrageously easy to spoof as a last minute, easy costume idea (just like one of the middle school girls last year showed up as Amy Winehouse in a disheveled satirical slam) but I can’t help pondering the Aussie’s commentary on the raunchy lyrics and try to restrain my inner Tipper Gore with every ounce of forward thinking femme screaming, “What are we doing to kids with this messaging?” Time will tell…

Patrick Kennedy seems like a ‘poppa don’t preach’ kind of guy, as he has a level-headed way of using comparison/contrast between provocative lyrics of Lady Gaga and Lily Allen to note the pithy and purposeful ‘digs’ that Ms. Allen uses to make a statement about the coarseness of our culture vs. the overt self-objectification of Lady Gaga’s schtick…

You can read more here, in his blog, “Pat’s Point of View” out of Sydney, Australia…but as a parent, he summed the essence of why emulation like this lands flat with most of us in the ‘over 30′ crowd not wild about wee lil’ Sesame Streetwalkers ringing our doorbells or middle school Playboy bunnies with fishnet tights strutting their budding Halloween stuff…

“As a father of one daughter, and potentially another on the way, I’m concerned about the sexualization of our youth. Music, movies, TV and celebrities are influencing our youth much more than ever before, with sexually explicit (or at least suggestive) messages…Take for example the work of recent pop music sensation Lady Gaga. Here’s a line from her top 40 hit “LoveGame”:

“I’m educated in sex, yes—and now I want it bad, want it bad —(The chorus of that same song goes) Don’t think too much, just bust that stick—I wanna take a ride on your disco stick…”

Mind you, trashy lyrics are pretty much ‘the norm’ on the airwaves these days, and LadyGaga’s ‘Poker Face’ causes me to raise my eyebrows every time I hear, “And baby when it’s love, if it’s not rough it isn’t fun”…

…Especially during this October domestic violence awareness month.

But I try (really, REALLY try) to temper this by the reality of being surrounded by teens daily who roll their eyes saying, “C’mon, we don’t even HEAR the lyrics, we just like the beat.”

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Okay then. Very well.

Like Mr. Kennedy, I’m trying my hardest not to ‘overthink’ lyrics from “I Like It Rough”, “Shake Ur Kitty” and “Beautiful, Dirty, Rich” among the plethora of other ‘outrageously over the top’ poptarts out there in the cultural zeitgeist…

But it just keeps reinforcing to me that raising kids with a healthy sexuality sans hawking their hoochie-mama ‘assets’ as their perceived self-identity is getting harder by the day. End of rant. “I’m no prude, but…” is quickly becoming a bit of a parlor game with me, counting  the number of times all ages and stages voice this preamble while speaking of their frustration…

Whether it’s kids tearing down “the populars” for “their slutwear” or concerned adults bordering on mouth frothing outrage, there always seems to be that ‘disclaimer’ surfacing to clarify and contextualize.

It’s almost as if people are afraid to shout from the top of their lungs, “Hey, people, this is NOT ok!!” for fear of ridicule and reverb.

Are we really becoming such sheeple as a global voice?

Is it so wrong to say, “I AM uncomfortable with this crud” regardless of what our hipster social mores and vapid values are airing as acceptable pablum for the masses?

No, I’m not bluffin’ with my muffin’ …I’m completely Poker Face about this.

It’s not a question of right or wrong, or ‘turn off the radio, ‘ or ‘turn down the media volume’ or any other judgmental simple one-stepper on the solution front…

It’s the fact that we’re becoming a world of spineless jellyfish letting pop culture dictate ever devolving modicums of ‘acceptability’…with zero regard for how it’s impacting kids.

What used to be a public trust of social responsibility has been traded for an ‘anything goes’ profiteering mindset over public health and the commodification of childhood…Make no mistake, it’s multi-faceted layering embedding deep into kids’ psyches.

Kind of like ‘ambient mind pollution’…seeping into their subconscious to set up behavioral norms of what we as ‘adults’ value and/or pay attention to as a societal whole. Er…not too healthy for emerging sexuality…(kind of like those lame abstinence only programs that limit sex ed in schools only to remind us that every 26 seconds a teen pregnancy occurs, as groups like Advocates for Youth can attest to time and time again)

It’ll be veeeeeeery interesting to see how this all plays out over time…

Maybe there will be a ‘backlash brewing’? Maybe ‘modest is hottest’ and ‘girls gone mild’ will be the next ‘thang’…(though we can do without the overly controlling Twilight relational obsessions n’est ce pas?)

Who knows? We’re due for a ‘market correction’ as the constant drumbeat of sexualization is getting quite ‘ho-hum’ and just plain toxic as well as tiring to most ages and stages…We’re almost numb in an eerily desensitized way, as I wrote here in this Miley Teen’s Choice Awards post.

As a reminder, these behavioral cues at ever younger ages have proven time and again by the APA to be  landing on kids’ physical and mental well-being with a great big thud.

So in sum…Yes, costumes are meant to be fantasy fun, and humor and wit is subjective.  Halloween is one of my favorite times to see it spill out through innovation, creation and costume silliness…But there’s a big difference when it comes to adult satire vs. children’s simulation of life as we know it today…so why not remind kids that Halloween is a day of imagination–a perfect opportunity to show them that they can be anyone, any profession, any role. I’ll hush now, but not before I ask the trolls to please behave in the comment section this round…

I’m quite used to being repeatedly doused with unprintably foul language about my ‘lack of humor’ and how I need to ‘get laid’ or ‘get a life’ etc., which frankly just speaks to the coarseness conundrum quite well and reinforces my stance with sad validation.

As one who has been a veteran attendee of the multi-band rock-n-roll costume extravaganza of  ‘anything goes’ in S.F. at the provocative Exotic Erotic Ball ‘back in the day’ I can honestly say…

“I’m no prude, but…”

Thoughts?

Want Some Healthier Halloween DIY Ideas?

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19 Frightfully Fun Homemade Halloween Ideas/Daily Green

Green Halloween.org

How Stuff Works.com Finds More Consumers Seeking DIY

Safe & Green Halloween Costumes for Kids

Teen Vogue Voter Picks by Kids (as mentioned)

More Halloween Posts On Shaping Youth

What About BOYS Halloween Costumes?

Halloween MakeUp Tips For Kids Costumes on the Fly

Halloween, Trend Tracking & a MoshPit of Parenting Styles

Practical Tips to Combat Halloween Horrors of “Wicked Innocence”

Reverse Trick or Treating: Isn’t That..Um..Marketing?

The Life Cycle of Media Madness & Parental Panic: When Annual Candy Scares Go Viral

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Halloween: At What Age Does the Schoolgirl Become Sexy?

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“Hot” for Halloween: From Girlish and Ghoulish To Racy to Revealing

Visual Snapshot from: Feminist Law Professors

Spooky to Skanky: For Halloween Costumes, Less Is More

The News Observer: They’re Tramps For A Night, But Why?

Alpha Mom: Buzz Off, What Not to Wear This Halloween

Kindergarten Cleavage (from last year but still au courant)

Prostitute Costumes for Tots (Toronto Star, ‘04)

This post originally appeared on ShapingYouth.org.

For years I’ve been asking the ‘what about the boys’ question in my work, because frankly, boys are getting just as hammered with negative cues about what ‘real men’ should be, as media and marketing define kids before they can define themselves.

Granted, boys haven’t been reduced to being amped up human playing cards in a “Pepsi iPhone app” (24 kinds of women and and how to ’score’ with them) but they ARE being served the “Amp Up Before You Score” cues that they should be ‘into’ this jolly good fun. See what I’m sayin’?

And just like Pepsi’s “Amp” has objectified women as a marketing opportunity for males on the prowl eager to catch a “cougar,  sorority girl, treehugger, military chick” and a woman labeled “married”  to add a new level of sleaze, BOYS are being trivialized into “players” going after them.

Other narrowcast stereotypes revealed in the pages of Packaging Boyhood include:  Slacker. Thug. Tough-n-Buff. Wild Child. Party Animal. Womanizer. Player. Gangstah. Goofball. Superhero. I think I saw most of these portrayals in this ONE “man cave” digital experience for Klondike ice cream bars!

Just for fun, I sent the Klondike digital man cave to the authors for their take on it from a “Packaging Boyhood” standpoint…

It has all of the usual sitcom humor elements of satire and what it means to be male, and could be a gender case study for my media literacy uses with kids…(one of our Shaping Youth interns, Noelle is leading a peer to peer gender studies high school session, so this one’s a keeper for her, too!)

Sharon Lamb mentioned it’s ’same ol’ same ol’ in terms of how males are portrayed as wanting to play video games and regress as the wife and kids prevent it…

Lyn Mikel Brown equated it to the man cave and beer ad series they’d explored in their book “that space away from anything feminine but yet a space where the feminine can be obectified,” and added some thoughtful ‘why to buy’ questions that reminded me of my days of creative branding briefs:

“Are men/boys not buying Klondike bars? Is there a similar ad campaign for girls/women? Is this a way of using a little masculine anxiety to target and invite men/boys in, why or why not?” Granted, it’s got some funny, irreverent bits and is brimming with the usual over the top humor. With 55,000 fans on their Facebook page alone, there’s some serious tapping of the ‘male marketing juggernaut.’

Lyn noted the requisite element of ‘gross’ —(or meant to be gross in that masculine spoof-punked-absurd kind of way) sophomoric silliness, for example:

“What would you do for a Klondike?  I’d ride a pedicar naked in NYC, I’d kiss the next girl that comes out of a gym full on the mouth, even tho she’s old and frumpy; I’d dress up as a drag queen, I’d moon passers by, etc. ” –ad infinitum…

You may be thinking so what?

“Twas ever thus,” we all grew up with stereotypes and labels of cliques and tribes, right?

At least BOYS aren’t getting physically and mentally tweaked by media/marketing messages the same way ‘thinspiration’ and dieting ideals and  objectification is trashing girls psyches, right?

Not so fast…

Over the next month or so, Shaping Youth will be doing a weekly chat with the authors talking about what’s different ‘then and now’ with excerpts on different topics from their new book, and how the ‘always on’ surround sound of boys’ media/marketing cues being delivered are impacting them…backed up with some surprising new research and reverb on how it’s all landing on boys. What can boys (and men) do about it? Arm themselves with awareness like a human shield for starters…

We’ll look at current campaigns appealing to boys and men, as well as new products in development like boy kiddie cologne, and other KGOY cues (kids getting older younger) as well as videogames, porn, dating drama, male friendship factor and relational aggression via always on mobile and digital venues.

We’ll also look at the impact on VERY young boys and tweens/teens due to ‘aspirational’ marketing of everything from Axe and Pussycat Dolls to “20 sexist iPhone apps for men” (make that 21 with this one:)

Sharon & Lyn will talk about boy’s vulnerability around sex, sports rises and falls (giving tips on how to talk to a son when their hero lets them down) violence in videogames and how all of the behavioral cues are translating into a trickle down impact of what ‘manhood’ means in today’s media and marketing cultural zeitgeist with everything ‘amped’ to ‘X-treme’…

What are boys learning about gender roles, interactions and how to treat women?

Is it possible to raise a ‘True Child’ in this cultural bombardment? We’ll be exploring these issues once a week through the remainder of the year with the authors…

Next up? Packaging Boyhood offers 5 Tips for Raising Media Savvy Sons, and then we’ll give the Halloween costume hoopla with GIRLS a rest and focus on the BOYS for a change. Stay tuned…Meanwhile, here’s more about the authors, the site, and the book itself!

To give you a snapshot from the authors:

“Boys are besieged by images in the media that encourage slacking over studying, competition over teamwork, power over empowerment, and being cool over being yourself.  From cartoons to videogames and movies, boys are bombarded with stereotypes about what it means to be a boy. Marketers, too, paint a picture of boys and men that is demeaning and alarming, including messages about violence, risk-taking, and perfecting an image of indifference.”

Packaging Boyhood explores how media and marketing target boys as they grow up and how media messages and stereotypes affect boys’ identities, choices, and expectations about what it means to be a boy and a man.

There are five main chapters in the book:

What boys watch; What they wear; What they read; What they hear; and What they do. (ahem, marketers are gonna love this research-AJ)

“Since we want parents to help their sons critique media images and messages, we also offer a final chapter with a good bit of at-home media literacy advice that encourages conversations between you and your son.”

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

Lyn Mikel Brown, Ed.D., is a Shaping Youth advisory board member, Professor of Education at Colby College, and the author of Girlfighting and Raising Their Voices. She is co-creator of the nonprofit, Hardy Girls Healthy Women.

Sharon Lamb, Ed.D., is also a Shaping Youth advisory board member, distinguished Professor of Mental Health at the University of Massachusetts Boston, and Professor of Psychology at Saint Michael’s College, is the author of The Secret Lives of Girls and Sex, Therapy, and Kids. She has a private practice in Vermont where she sees both boys and girls in therapy.

Mark Tappan, Ed.D., Professor of Education at Colby College, writes about boys’ development and education, and conducts workshops for parents and teachers on the impact of media on boys. He is a founding member of the Maine Boys’ Network.

This post originally appeared on ShapingYouth.org.

I met a couple of people from Virgin Mobile’s Re-Generation campaign at the cause-marketing lunch table at the Ypulse National Mashup a couple years back, and shifted from thinking ‘goodwashing’ to ‘pragmatic’ once I understood how the use of texting and mobile activism could cut a swath and make a difference.

But American Girl’s new ‘homeless doll’? Not so much. Add the $95 pricetag and you’ve got a headspinning ‘wth’ marketing moment trying to discern the target market of wealthier kids getting a ‘normalized’ message that it ‘can happen to anyone,’ as AG/Mattel attempts to put a face on homelessness in a white sundress with pink flowers.

I see where they’re going here, in terms of trying to get kids to ‘think out of the box’ and relate to the plight of a child who’s had some hard knocks on the familial front (in this case, ‘Gwen’ the doll comes with the requisite AG ‘story’ that dad walked out on the family, mom lost her job, fall turned to winter, and the economy forced the duo to start bedding down in a car).

But in an attempt to remove stereotypes, it appears to me Mattel/AG reinforced a few with that storyline alone…I’m still reeling at the disconnect of pricey dolls with add-on consumption cues galore. (ahem, you can have your doll’s hair done for $20, hmn, will they charge $20 to ‘mess it up’ and stain the dress to simulate what it’s like to live in a car without a shower for awhile?) Thoughts here, readers?

To me, unless American Girl were to send every single penny spent on the manufacturing, marketing, and profiteering of that doll to the National Network for Youth or the National Child Traumatic Stress Network or the National Alliance to End Homelessness (NAEH) to try to raise awareness and financially support the youth homelessness orgs going beyond the streets, shelters and stereotypes…then I cry bogus brandwashing.

Unless this ‘limited edition’ doll is directly tied to a massive push for November’s month of advocacy to combat youth homelessness stats like these…and federal studies like this…(and even then, it gives me the heebiejeebies on simplistic political mining of mindshare among wee ones) then American Girl is sadly just hawking the plight for profit as a new ‘market opportunity’ to add another ‘historical context’ and ‘theme’ to their wares. (sure gives today’s economic downturn a present tense spin of ‘living history,’ through the doll, sigh)

Think about it. Already there’s a new study out by Pew Research that’s tabbed the primary social conflict in America as being (drumroll please)…The ‘haves & have nots’ (+immigration trumping race/skin color).

The homeless doll controversy that will no doubt be swirling around this lil’ miss soon serves to amp up that caste/class war of wealth.

Somehow, I don’t think that was the AG intent…Or was it? After all, our pop culture seems to fuel itself on drama, gaffes and missteps. Hmn…

Here’s the take on this AG/Mattel development from our own Shaping Youth advisors at Packaging Girhood.com, along with advocacy/action steps to lend your voice if you feel so inclined. Recall they took on the tween Dora makeover in a huge way and made a dent with a petition of five-figures of reverb/parental pushback…

As for me? I’m going to keep a close eye on Virgin Mobile this November, to make sure Mattel doesn’t end up doing a ‘cross-platform’ promotional partnership deal.

Here’s Virgin Mobile’s brand positioning and  accomplishments to date, which rings much more authentic to me! (no pun intended)

Virgin Mobile: “Right now, there are over two million young people who faces bouts of homelessness each year in the U.S. Most have been forced from their homes because of circumstances beyond their control.

Some manage to make it through school but others are less fortunate, resorting to begging or prostitution just to survive. And homeless kids have different needs than homeless adults – they haven’t even had a chance to live their lives yet.

Virgin Mobile, with the help of Virgin Unite, wants to change that. The RE*Generation is our effort to empower a generation to help its own. We’re bringing together organizations that care about homeless youth and connecting them with young people who want to help.

And we’re making it easy for our customers to take an active role and get involved — through donating, volunteering, and even text messaging and downloading. With The RE*Generation, one person really can make a difference.”

Of Note: Virgin Unite’s overheads are covered by Sir Richard Branson and the Virgin Group, meaning that 100% of donations received, go direct to the frontline where they are needed most.

I’d say this is a smart win-win with philanthropy, CSR, and branding leveraging the power of media for positive change…unless someone reveals to me they’re brandwashing in which case I’ll feel ‘punk’d’ as the kids say.

Virgin brought in important nonprofit partners like StandUpFor Kids, NAEH, Sasha Bruce Youthwork in D.C. for short term shelter, etc. and corporate partners like YouthNoise, so I’m eager to see if they’ll be doing a big media push for November. If so, please ping me, I’d love Shaping Youth to help on the media end…

Meanwhile, here’s the AG doll which hits me as a fashion ‘don’t’…Could be the new poster child for brand blunders…bleh.

The Economy Hits American Girl

by Shaping Youth Advisory Board members Sharon Lamb & Lyn Mikel Brown of Packaging Girlhood.com

(…And soon to be released in October, Packaging Boyhood.com! Feature series forthcoming on Shaping Youth–A.J. )

As we wrote in Packaging Girlhood, American Girl dolls, in their original form, did a fine job teaching girls that they too were and are a part of American history.

Now it looks as if AG aims to teach girls that they too are a part of the new economic downslide.

To do this, they’ve introduced a homeless doll. Unlike the Cabbage Patch dolls of old that children could adopt and whose lives could be improved with their love, Gwen Thompson comes with her own story of grief and, alas, her own homeless “style.”

Hey, nothing says homeless more than a sweet white dress with a pink sash and matching flip flops. Ooh, and that cute hair style! Buy her and you can forget homelessness — just mix and match her with the other cool expensive outfits and she fits right in!

In one sense we love that AG offers a collection of dolls with normal bodies and stories of hardship and strength that better reflect the real lives of girls. Take that Bratz girls and Barbie! But could this be any  more disingenuous?

Who is this doll for and with a $95 price tag, what will it convey to the girls buying about the plight of homeless girls? Of course this isn’t their own money they’re spending. Let’s leave girls out of this. But Mattel? Get a conscience!

This brazen co-opting of the hard luck stories of girls around America in order to make a buck — horrifying. It’s especially brazen not to offer a penny of this to help better the lives of real girls.

How about giving a healthy percentage of proceeds to homeless shelter daycares that enable children to be taken care of while their parents look for work and housing?

What can parents do?

Write to Mattel/AG and ask that they (not their customers) set up a fund to benefit real girls and their parents in homeless shelters.

Robert A. Eckert
Chairman of the Board and Chief Executive Officer
Mattel, Inc.
333 Continental Boulevard
El Segundo, CA 90245-5012

Thoughts? Firsthand experience? Familiarity with either campaign? Sound off and let us know how this lands on you…

P.S. Here are some of my favorite ’solutions-based’ alternatives and random thoughts from the comment section of the NYPost article which is getting some heat…

Musikman 09/25/2009 8:21 AM:

“Instead of paying over 100 dollars including tax, why not take your child and teach them how to help others. How many homeless people can you by lunch for with 100 dollars? Or perhaps a winter coat from a thrift shop. Show the children where your heart is, and how to help rather than buy another toy they do not need. the education they receive for helping others will last far longer than the doll. And why make Mattel richer, what are they doing to help others in need?”

think4yourself1 09/25/2009 9:47 AM

“Here’s an idea … volunteer with your daughter at a homeless soup kitchen, many churches have established programs that would love 3 hours of your time on a Saturday. Maybe leave a check for $95 before you leave – how many meals would that serve? Then head out for a shopping trip with your daughter. Bet she’d appreciate the doll even more. It would truly touch your heart if you could serve and speak with real people who are really hurting in this economy, rather than just reading about them.”

plakapaint 09/25/2009 1:29 PM (on the comment section repeatedly)

“Guess, what? Chrissa (the doll of the year) has been around since the beginning of the year, and will be retired at the end of December, as will her friends. This author is about 10 months too late to be introducing all this information in such outrageous shock…maybe she should have done her homework beoforehand.”

Editorial question to S.Y. readers…Does this mean that Gwen the homeless doll shouldn’t be subject to inquiry (or ridicule) because it’s not a ‘fresh’ breaking in the nanosecond news story? Timeliness doesn’t seem to be the issue here…consumption does..

And from a civility standpoint, the passionistas sticking up for their AG dolls and lambasting the NYPost reporter personally (far beyond fact checking to taunt about parenting skills!) are clearly indicative of the divisiveness that the Pew Internet study alluded to in social conflict/communication gaps. Just sayin’…

This post originally appeared on ShapingYouth.org.

Why? Because we’ve got major media moments ripe for peeling back a deeper conversation on how this is all landing on youth…

This is ‘kidvid’ media literacy 101…How to handle ‘grace under fire,’ lessons of unfairness, and eyewitness views of spotlight robbing and bullying antics against leaders in their fields, capping a jam-packed week of ‘adults behaving badly.’

There was Congressman Joe Wilson’s unfathomable outburst of ‘political Tourette’s’ yelling, “You lie!” at President Obama in mid-speech…

There was Kanye West interrupting Taylor Swift’s acceptance at the MTV Video Music Awards like an arrogant twit, (or a well-seeded ratings/publicity stunt?) and sadly, incivility trounced BOTH athletes in a stunning U.S. Open upset when tennis idol Serena Williams lost her cool.

Serena lost the opportunity to do what she’s done so many times before, comeback from a tough spot with champion fervor. Kim Clijsters lost the opportunity for the hard-won elation athletes feel when they play their hearts out and triumph over the best. Le sigh.

It’s no secret we’re in dire need of a channel change in this ‘reality show’ of life seen through the eyes of our media circus. So…What to do?

Rather than vilifying human foibles with hands-down judgment in the court of conduct time and again (which we all agree continues to be sad and surreal) sometimes it makes sense to use the whole incident as a teaching tool…Whether it’s focusing on how to recover from a mistake (Serena’s WTA statement here) the cause and effect of consequences, reputation management, or genuine vs. perfunctory contrition.

Serena shook hands with Kim before leaving the court and post match recapped,

“I said something and they gave me a point penalty. Unfortunately, it was on match point. You know, today was a tough day. I didn’t play my best. I think I had more errors today than all of my other matches combined. It was really tough for me out there.”

Yes, it was…and it was frustrating for us to watch it, seeing how anger towards herself ignited a firestorm that left them both burned, being unable to play the game they love. Both athletes lost.

The Miami Herald summed,

“Kim Clijsters, the Belgian former No. 1 who is back after a two-year maternity leave, said it was ‘unfortunate’ that the match ended that way. She had outplayed Serena Williams most of the match and didn’t want to win on a Williams code violation.”

I’ll say. BOTH athletes were robbed of the ability to thrive in their sport, and the fallout was ugly to boot.

For kids, we can point to the very real costs involved (both figuratively and literally with karma careening in favor of the opposition, financial penalties, cash in coffers, etc.) when tempers spiral out of control and extend the conversation to others that get hurt in the fallout of the blast zone.

It’s easy to extend the  conversation into reputation management  with costs of student jobs and career paths too…

In this post, “Dude, Seriously, Facebook Could Cost You A Job” CareerBuilder reports 35% of candidates were turned down based on something that was said in their profiles. Ouch.

Whether it’s a hothead moment or in these celebrity cases, endorsement deals, advertising dollars, and other reputation reverb, there’s no question people are getting hurt. Choosing Civility and the Civility Solution (’What to do when people are rude’) could probably be a remedial life lesson for our entire media culture.

I think Tennis Planet had the best rally of dialog lobbing the fans into the media mix as well. One commenter, Gracie summed,

“Kim and her fans deserved to have the opportunity to celebrate. And Serena’s fans deserved the chance to see last year’s winner defend the title. People want to see a match to its bona fide finish so they can cheer the winner, whoever it is. This isn’t tantric tennis…”

She goes on to cite the unruly dynamic of the boo-fest and unfairness overall,

“As a fan who has paid oodles of money for tickets to Majors, I think it’s safe to say that more of the booing was against that chair umpire for depriving them of a finish, than it was against Serena.”

Could it have been prevented? Possibly.

Electronic replays and umpire intervention could’ve cooled down the drama, so athletes could self-calm…

To me, that’s not so different than coaching kids to “count to ten” to keep it together. (or my own self-imposed ‘poison pen policy’ for trolls of holding email ‘24 hours before pressing send)

Personal responsibility for our own conduct is a given, and we all agree it was a setback for civility, but as NBC’s Celizic sums,

“What more can you do to her? And why would you do it?”

These media moments are classic ‘show and tell’ of how mopping up the damage does NOT always erase the stench. The incidents hurt ALL involved, violating trust and revealing the underbelly of a culture all too quick to build heroes and take them down with a swipe or two.

It forces us all to remind kids to take a long hard look at the ol’ ‘engage brain before mouth’ behavior and gulp down words before they tumble outta there and wreak havoc in the first place.

Players like Roddick, Connors and McEnroe have made racket smashing and word hurling part of normative nasties for years.

Yet when Serena fell to that level it took many by surprise and opened up a whole new dialog about stereotypes, intimidation, gender equity, race and comparative norms, as you can see on BlackTennisPro’s blog.

NBC Sports duly noted,

“As bad as the outburst was, it was mild by the standards established years ago first by Connors and refined by the inimitable McEnroe. Connors was, quite simply, crude and vile to officials. What McEnroe lacked in crudity, he made up for in sheer mania.”

Does that make it right? No. But let’s dish out the consequence, own it, learn from it, and move on.

Check the scapegoating and glorifying of tantrums in the locker room and leave it there.

No need to keep up the film loop coverage, “was she REALLY, sorry? Find out-film at 11″ teasers or demonize and vilify an athlete who HAS added greatly to the sport.

Kids have GOT to get this figured out early on, because we sure as heck can’t count on media to echo our own values.

The ’so bad it’s good’ wild child sensationalism reinforcing negative attention particularly with ‘repeat offenders’ (ahem, Kanye) lands us with a bunch of cruddy behavioral norms and new benchmarks for what’s ‘acceptable.’

How often do you hear kids’ wailing, “That’s SO unfair!”

A child who angrily shrieks, “omg, I SAID I was sorry, what’s the big deal?”

Or one who genuinely wonders why it still feels a little prickly and ‘not quite right’ around mom or dad or siblings who might have endured painful slurs like  “I hate you SO much” NEEDS to have it reinforced that hurts do NOT heal instantly and the sting stays LONG after the moment is gone.

There IS no ‘easy fix’…there are consequences. Whether that’s losing trust or credibility or role model status for some celebs…

For better or for worse, we now have plenty of media moments to replay again and again as evidence of same…We might as well use ‘em to pop open a discussion on reputation management, sportsmanship, learning how to make amends and recover from mistakes, and getting a handle on anger management in the first place…Sure beats the hackneyed, ‘no one says life is fair’ adage.

Better yet, take those kid-vid teaching moments and turn the spotlight on graciousness to applaud those who’ve managed to turn a negative slam into a usable example of how to ‘recover’ from incivility in full bounceback resilience.

Look no further than President Obama’s speech…Wow. Talk about a threatening feeling of intimidation, when a Congressional colleague stoops to a level of trashy talk show shout-outs mid-session.

Poised and calm amidst uncanny disruption Obama responded very simply stating, “That’s not true,” which esummarily addresd and dismissed the heckler concurrently. Admirable.

Beyonce’s response to being the jaw-dropping recipient of Kanye’s rude ardor publicly deflating Taylor Swift who won best female video countered in her own style. (Even if it were staged, as rumors are claiming, it’s none the less an admirable ‘repair job’—Taylor conveys her gratitude here)

When Beyonce won best video of the year, she announced,

“This is amazing. I remember being 17 years old, up for my first MTV award with Destiny’s Child and it was one of the most exciting moments of my life, so I would like for Taylor to come out and have her moment.”

Brava, Beyonce. Now THAT was a star move. Mind you, I’ve had my own criticism of Beyonce’s antics many, MANY a time, but this is not one of ‘em…

Beyonce managed to take the ‘deer in the headlights’ look of Taylor Swift, seemingly frozen in public humiliation having her moment (and her trophy!) snatched out of her hands by Kanye, and turn it into a sisterhood scenario.

(Here’s the 1:44 VMA highlights via Artisan News Service, embedding disabled, ahem)

Taylor deserves a big ‘brava!’ too…When she returned to the stage with Beyonce, she epitomized that fresh-faced resilience of youthful rebounding, smiling, “Maybe we can try this again…”

Still, you kinda knew in your heart that stolen moment could never again be recaptured and the raw pain and trauma associated with that reaction on stage would always be with her.

Mind you, I realize that today’s NYT Media Decoder lays out evidence of Viacom/MTV playing ‘whack a mole’ with the YouTube replay footage of Kanye and Taylor to force viewers to their hub site, so this could easily be yet another Lonely Girl 15 contrived press ruse…Even if it is…

The ‘take two’ act of resilience is worth applauding, thanking her fans while reminding youth everywhere that you can’t always change a situation, but you can change how you react to it.

There will be plenty of jerks out there, so youth need that skill set to know that even when ‘wronged’ there’s a choice and opportunity for how it’s going to land on everyone.

Whether it’s a boss, teacher, coach, parent or peer, there will come a time when ‘Choosing Civility’ is not only the hardest option, it’s the toughest point to ultimately win the game…

What do you think of all the incivility?

Will this impact your support one way or another? Is it even ‘real’ or is it staged for ratings with the VMA awards?

What role does Viacom have in choosing Kanye if he has a ‘reputation’ for ‘going off’ recklessly time and again?

Do you think this was purposeful wink and nod nudges for ratings and drama? Will this impact your media purchases or support pro or con for the artists/athletes in question?

Is ’saying your sorry’ a common way to approach a slight, with ‘ok are we good now?’ aplomb?

Is there such a thing as being ‘too real’ or ‘transparent’ in public personas? (e.g. what I call the ‘Popeye’ argument, “I am what I am”) Where are the youth voices on this? Fair or foul?

Sound off…(with civility, please

Other Resources on Civility From Dr. Forni’s Civility Website

The Civil Classroom in the Age of the Net

The Other Side of Civility

The Manners Maven (Johns Hopkins Gazette)

The Big Question (Johns Hopkins Magazine)

Etiquette Crisis at Work: Employees say they’ve had enough of incivility, bad manners by Nicole Jacoby (CNNfn.com)

Workplace Misdeeds Top “Terrible Ten” Rude Behaviors List

This post originally appeared on shapingyouth.org.

Those were my ten year old daughter’s words back in 2005 when Rachel Simmons author of “Odd Girl Out” spoke to a sold-out crowd  giving us insights on girl culture, relational aggression, and coping tips for navigating preteen puberty angst.

Yes, I ‘made her’ go, as Rachel Simmons was in San Mateo hosted by our local hospital and Bay Area Parent magazine (now one of S.Y’s advisory board members) and I’d already seen enough of those ‘Can I sit with you?’ (Stormy Social Seas of the Schoolyard) moments on my weekly lunch shift at the elementary school where I was doing recon for my documentary, Body Blitz: Media, Shaping Youth.

Circumspect media gal that I am, I always take a ‘wait and see’ approach to ‘experts’ and parenting pundits, no matter how many credentialed letters follow their name. (or research chops and Rhodes scholar accolades like Rachel Simmons’ bio) So when we arrived that night we weren’t sure what to expect, our eyeballs scanned the room for ‘frenemies’ and ‘mean girls’ in a tense, silent assessment of the audience…as if to say, “who will show up here, the bullied or the bullies?” The mother-daughter synergy was palpable.

Rachel Simmons grabbed the girls’ attention from the get-go like a ‘BFF’ who’d ‘been there, done that’ so it gave us all an exhale that this was going to be a night of raw and real candor,  not a bunch of platitudes. We listened, we learned, we laughed and we squirmed…And I recall the irony of feeling outnumbered by the predominance of “power moms,” my own living evidence that ‘girl culture’ extends far beyond adolescence.

The room was thick with leaders and PTA muckymucks and caring, concerned adults, yet there was a pervasive vibe that was giving me the heebeejeebies that I couldn’t quite tap into…Rachel Simmons’ newest book, “The Curse of the Good Girl” nails it.

Rachel Simmons takes the sharks and minnows sociology of her prior books and deep dives to a new level of the psyche with another decade of research under her belt, describing how girls are taught to accept an artificial and very limited version of selfhood that’s “unerringly polite, nice, modest, selfless;” diminishing girls’ potential, and so narrowly defined it’s unachievable.

That pretty much describes the sense of hollow perfection I was witnessing  in the auditorium.

It wasn’t a falseness in the Desperate Housewives meets Gossip Girl superficial type of drama, it was more of a disquieting undercurrent of ‘too many good girls’ under one roof.

As I mentioned in this piece on overachieving SuperGirls, I too am recovering from “The Curse of the Good Girl” where self-esteem gets tied to perfection, squelching the ability to express and manage a full range of feelings.

If you don’t address the tamped down ‘good girl’ stuff early on, you could end up in a midlife mania rebel yell for authenticity and truth that upends anyone in the blast zone…better to gain self-awareness from the get go or find yourself marching on a well worn path to perfection that just keeps getting steeper.

Like that old Gloria Steinem quote, “A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space.”

Anyway, as we heal our own scars and try to shepherd children through today’s complex media maelstrom of girl culture fraught with new stresses of instantaneous techno reverb, ‘kids getting older younger,’ and pressures of societal cues, heighten your awareness around the ‘curse of the good girl.’

Here’s Rachel Simmons with media and marketing’s role in it all, and how we can lead our own girls toward a path of being REAL, whole, healthy, human beings, as my silver Shakespeare bracelet I’m wearing says, “to thine own self be true.”

Thanks, Rachel, for helping each of us interpret what ‘true’ means for ourselves…

Amy Jussel: Odd Girl out was published in 2002; tell us what’s shifted in close to a decade of your research trying to break “The Curse of the Good Girl”…

How has the conversation changed, and what role has media played?

Rachel Simmons: So much has changed since Odd Girl Out – for better and for worse.

My book, along with Rosalind Wiseman’s Queen Bees and Wannabes, ignited national conversation and action around girl bullying.

Money poured into academia for research, and schools began taking girls’ aggression seriously. It’s no longer acceptable to write off girls’ behavior as “girls being girls.” That’s big progress.

At the same time, media depictions of the stereotypical “mean girl” have exploded. Whole series are built around it: to wit, see Gossip Girl.

In the last ten years, cruelty has become entertainment; American Idol auditions are thinly veiled bullying scenes that give viewers permission to mercilessly mock and judge others. All this has loosened social restrictions around nastiness, making it just another way to be funny or connect with others. It’s also cut girls down to size on the big and small screens, promoting just a few unhealthy versions of how to be a girl.

Amy Jussel: Has the depiction of ‘good girls’ and ‘bad girls’ via media stereotypes (Gossip Girl, Mean Girls, etc.) ‘seeded’ relational aggression or is media ‘reflecting’ girls reality out there?

Rachel Simmons: I read a study a couple of years ago which found that girls watch ten times more relational aggression on television than they do in real life. So no – what we’re watching doesn’t reflect reality. Whether or not it’s causing relational aggression, I can’t say.

That said, I’ve seen incidents of cyberbullying that mimic Gossip Girl – signing nasty texts with “xoxo” as Gossip Girl does, and one girl who actually tried to become the Gossip Girl of her ninth grade class.

Amy Jussel: How is ‘the good girl curse’ impacting the dichotomy of young celeb figures like Miley Cyrus who seems to pendulum swing in a shell of a self-image amidst public judgment? Is there a ‘real’ Miley in there trying to find her voice & shout out?

Rachel Simmons: In a recent post on the Daily Beast, Marisa Meltzer (co-author, btw, of a terrific book on Sassy magazine) announced a new trend in Hollywood: Good Girls are in. Gone are the days when the reckless Bad Girl antics of Britney, Nicole and Lindsay were the titillating headlines. Today’s stars are cooing about their love for friends and family, attending ivy league schools, and wearing purity rings.

It’s the Curse of the Good Girl gone Hollywood, and it defines a very narrow identity for girls, no matter what their salary: be unfailingly kind, selfless and flawless. It’s an impossible goal, and it creates an all-or-nothing mentality.

A girl like Miley Cyrus is trying so hard to fit that mold, but the second she does anything that deviates, the alarm sounds. As Miley transitions into adolescence, she is entitled – as every teenager is – to  experiment with her sexuality and make stupid mistakes.

The trouble is that she’s becoming a woman in a society that defines girls in extremes. Either you’re Good or Bad. A slut or a prude. There’s not much room for Real in that. Miley’s challenge will be to hold on to herself and find the courage to resist those labels.

Amy Jussel: As founder of the Girls Leadership Institute you talk about giving girls the tools to “make her internal voice louder than the voice of others she worries about judging her” —which is FABULOUS…

How can kids learn to self-regulate that volume? Do you have any specific tips/exercises from GLI? (tell us more about GLI programs and such!)

Rachel Simmons: I would love to tell you more about the Girls Leadership Institute! Thought you’d never ask! It began as a labor of love when I was invited to work at a Sidwell Friends summer program while I was researching Odd Girl Out.

It started with a simple goal: help girls have firmer handshakes (limp noodle handshakes have always bugged me), but it turned into something much more profound.

I began to see that girls could learn to shake hands firmly, but the bigger challenge was overcoming their anxiety about being powerful in the first place. That’s how GLI was born.

Helping girls find and own their authentic voice is no easy task. The reality is that every adolescent will struggle with fears of being judged; isn’t intense self-consciousness, especially the fear that everyone’s watching you, what being a teen is about (and what we all want to forget and never live through again?)? Still and yet, there’s much to be done to help a girl be her true self.

Here are two quick things girls can do:

Be silly. At GLI, we believe being silly is the best way to be yourself. We encourage girls, and their families, to find as many ways to dork out and dance like no one’s watching. Burp the alphabet. Really, go for it – and keep the friends around you who love that part of who you are.

Know your feelings. If you know what’s going on for you – whether it’s feeling peaceful or angry or hurt – you’ll be able to tell people what’s important to you and what you need. You’ll have an anchor to keep you strong in the face of what other people might say or think.

Amy Jussel: I remember seeing this study awhile back “Mean Girls Start in Preschool” which floored me that relational aggression was showing up in 4 & 5 year olds…Can you comment on how this fits in with your findings in either or all of your books? Or does it?

Rachel Simmons: Four and five year olds? Relational aggression shows up in girls as young as TWO, and before they can talk: girls can squeeze their eyes shut and cover their ears, communicating nonverbally that they don’t want to be with you anymore. This finding certainly speaks more to my first book, Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls.

Teachers all over the world are desperate for resources to deal with the behavior at younger and younger ages. I had a blast working with six year olds in South Africa this year.

In some ways, this finding challenges my thesis in Odd Girl Out: that it’s how we socialize girls that influences their aggression. My experience working with South African girls (at The Oprah Winfrey’s Leadership Academy for Girls and other schools) really brought home how biological some of this behavior may be.

Amy Jussel: The ‘j/k’ just kidding’ passive aggressive slam is a biggie for youth in texting, digital media & verbal circles… What’s a solid one-liner retort to spin a healthier message?

How can we help reframe peer culture so girls can ‘trust’ again?

Rachel Simmons: Kids are not just typing “jk” to be passive aggressive. Now, it’s “lol” “hahaha” and smiley face emoticons designed to make you feel confused about whether or not the person actually meant to insult you.

Here’s my suggestion for a retort:

Girl1:     Your house is so lame because your parents are always there.
You:     Ouch
Girl2:    haha totally kidding.
You:     k

Or

Girl1:     Your house is so lame because your parents are always there.
You:     Ouch
Girl2:    didn’t mean it that way!!
You:     k thanks

I think “ouch” is a good retort online when you want to signal that something wasn’t funny for you. Just like real life, you’ll probably get a reply like, “jk!” or “I didn’t mean it like that!” You can always say “k” or “k thanks.”

It’s not threatening, but it allows you to acknowledge that something uncomfortable happened – even if the other person did a lame job of explaining herself.

You’ll want to tack on a smiley face or “haha” to smooth it over. Try not to; it’ll help you seem more serious.

Amy Jussel: Let’s get to know the REAL Rachel Simmons! Hopefully you can join us again for a ‘part two’ after you take a break from your book tour! (My questions are in italics, Rachel’s responses are in normal typeface)

Rachel Simmons: Finally, some fun ones! Love these!

In my elementary school I was thought of as: a popular girl

In my middle school I was thought of as: a really good athlete

In my high school I was thought of as: the loud one But I was really the loud one

I felt I’d really broken the Curse of the Good Girl when: I overcame my fear and asked for a raise.

My favorite quote for living life out loud is: “Dance like nobody’s watching”

Organizations tackling some of this stuff you should know about are: Girls Leadership Institute, RosalindWiseman.com, Girls Inc, Girl Scouts, GENAustin, Girls Circle, Hardy Girls Healthy Women, Strong Women Strong Girls, to name a few of many!

Who’s on your ‘wanna meet’ ‘bucket list’ of life? Kelly Clarkson, Meryl Streep, Gail Collins, Roz Chast, Diablo Cody, Bernice Johnson Reagon, Adrienne Rich

Amy Jussel: Thanks, Rachel, I look forward to seeing you at Gunn High School in Palo Alto on Sept. 24th…

I’ll bring my daughter AGAIN, as she’s seen me struggle with the disease to please and the ‘curse of the good girl’ far too much in her short teen life, and I want to make sure she’s a cyclebreaker!

And readers…Shaping Youth will be ’swapping content’ with Rosalind Wiseman’s site featuring Rachel Simmons, yours truly, and others interested in “Creating Cultures of Dignity.” I’m honored and delighted to team.

Rachel Simmons’ Curse of the Good Girl Book Tour 2009

Interested in Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence?

Here’s a quick glance to see if Rachel is coming to a city near you.

National Coalition of Girls Schools and Shaping Youth pal Nancy Gruver’s organization New Moon Media serve as national sponsors of Rachel Simmons’ tour events. (update on New Moon’s online girls’ community and safe chat forthcoming on Shaping Youth in September!)

Meet Rachel in bookstores in New York City, Washington, DC, Corte Madera, CA, and Portland, OR. Come to a back-to-school empowerment workshop for girls and adults in Boulder, Denver, Seattle, Palo Alto and Boston. Participants will learn how to help girls:

* Manage interpersonal conflict
* Stay true to herself in friendships
* Deal gracefully with constructive criticism
* Express her thoughts and feelings

September 10
New York, NY
Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Triangle
7:30 pm

September 16
Boulder, CO
Platt Middle School
6:30 pm
Sponsored by the Parent Engagement Network
Download flier here.

September 17
Englewood, CO (Denver metro area)
St. Mary’s Academy
7:00 pm
Host Sponsor: St. Mary’s Academy
Community Partners: Girl Scouts of Colorado and Regis Jesuit High School

September 22
Portland, OR
Powell’s Bookstore
7:30 pm

September 23
Seattle, WA
Town Hall
7:00 pm
Media Sponsor: Parent Map

Co-Sponsors: Billings Middle School, The Bush School, Eastside Preparatory School, Explorer West Middle School, The Evergreen School, Forest Ridge School of the Sacred Heart, Jewish Day School, Lake Washington Girls Middle School, Mercer Island School District, The Northwest School, Seattle Children’s Hospital & Regional Medical Center

September 24
Palo Alto, CA
Gunn High School
7:00 pm
Sponsored by the Girls Leadership Institute

September 25
Corte Madera, CA
Book Passage
7:00 pm

September 29
Boston, MA
Boston Public Library (Raab Lecture Hall)
6:00 pm

Co-Sponsors: Beacon Street Girls, Combined Jewish Philanthropies, Dedham Middle School, Girl Scouts of Eastern Massachusetts, Holliston Youth and Family Services, Massachusetts Conference for Women, Mayyim Hayyim, Moving Traditions, Newton High School South, The Rashi School, Strong Women Strong Girls

October 3
Washington, DC
Politics and Prose
1:00 pm

As I mentioned before, I’m a ‘tough sell’ due to limited time crunches on speaker circuit/events, but Rachel is one you will NOT want to miss in person. If you get a chance bring your girls! (aunties, gal pals, BFFs, sisters)

Her warmth and approachable style comes through like a comforting big sister as she explained, entertained, and amused us all with slice of life stories and refreshingly helpful insights on our daughters, and ourselves. A big thumbs up here. (And echoed by our pals at Parents Place, who have a stellar fall ‘09 education series coming up too, as does Kepler’s books in Menlo; check it out! )

I broke bread with these two research pioneers at Susan Linn’s house when she hosted all of the presenters at the CCFC summit on Sexualized Childhood last year and felt a bit like ‘Odd Girl Out’ as Rachel Simmons would say (forthcoming interview with Rachel on her new book releasing 8-25 shortly) because I was the token branding/industry veteran in an impressive sea of doctoral Ivy leaguers, medical practitioners and psychological pros.

I was heartened to be welcomed not as Darth Vader, but as a saber-wielding insider eager to find ‘another way’ to reach the light…and to me, that’s what changes the entire conversation. It’s not enough to cluck about APA research and tsk about the trauma and harm to kids’ sexuality, the key is in the action steps to DO something!

That’s where So Sexy So Soon won me over with the chapter header, “Helping Teenagers Through the Minefields” and the finale, “Creating a New Cultural Environment,” complete with ‘12-step’ action plan. Now we’re talkin’ my language…

As regular readers know, I tend to lean hardest on those closest to my own mission to ensure the rebel yell isn’t just a reframing of ‘the problem’ but instead, a concerted effort to seek SOLUTIONS.

I say enough power whining and evidence-gathering about the toxic tipping points of body image, early sexualization and the dysfunctional way it’s tweaking kids’ own sense of a healthy sexuality, let’s energize the youth themselves to help shift the zeitgeist toward positive pursuits and engage their voice as the advocacy arm.

They’re the ones being dealt this smarmy deck of cards, right?

That’s one of many of Kilbourne and Levin’s action steps instilling the media literacy mandates early on at the elementary school level, so that kids are in control of the commodification playboard not just pawns in the game.

Pioneers like Jean Kilbourne and Diane Levin have been pounding these shores for a ’sea change’ for decades, largely talking into a conch shell awash in mega-spending by marketers.

But the tide IS turning…

When Spielberg himself rants on the amount of kids’ gaming violence, Geena Davis leads the way in gender equity, Amy Poehler launches Smart Girls at the Party TV, and Hollywood heavy hitters lend their clout to begin to Do Something not just be short-term PR poseurs…then we’re inching toward systemic change.

Granted, money talks, and it takes funding to effectively counter-act the multi-billion dollar war-chest of advertisers selling insecurities for profit and an increasingly narrowcast view of what it means to be ‘sexy’…

But the So Sexy So Soon authors have been building momentum in an international arena as a favorite on college campuses so that youth voices take the helm, which I personally think is key.

It’s not enough to build awareness, clamp down on accountability, social responsibility or regulatory change…it also takes teamwork and convergence when ‘all sides’ join in an open dialog, including YOUTH who are pivotal in that peer to peer conversation about body snatching childhood.

Jean’s Kilbourne’s award-winning films like the Killing Us Softly series and Slim Hopes on the image of women in advertising are eye openers for many a teen team.

They’re all part of Shaping Youth’s film fest screenings as ‘house parties’ for youth/parent education. (check our sidebar at right for updates; you can find them via MEF, the Media Education Foundation too)

Other favorites, like Calling the Shots and Spin the Bottle focus on the alcohol and tobacco ads that target youth with ever-stealthy ‘lifestyle’ positioning, age compression, and plot point/product placement. I’ve found they work wonders as ‘aha’ moments and motivators for teens who feel duped and betrayed by the precision of being in marketer’s deliberate crosshairs.

THERE’S MORE! Click here to continue reading Amy Jussel’s complete interview with So Sexy So Soon co-author Jean Kilbourne, Ed.D on shapingyouth.org!