Check out the Girl World Tour photo album on Facebook!

We’re working to get a video put together of all of the events soon, but until then, I thought I’d share the playlist that your recommendations helped us create and that was subsequently played at the start and end of each tour event. The song titles below should link to videos or other places where you can listen to/download the songs. Songs were chosen for their upbeat tempo and positive content, though please note that a few of the videos for these songs (i.e. P!nk’s “So What” and Black Eyed Peas’ “I Gotta Feeling” would not be appropriate for viewing by young children.)

• All-American Girl by Carrie Underwood
• Say Hey (I Love You) by Michael Franti & Spearhead
• La La Land by Demi Lovato
• Know Your Enemy by Green Day
• My Life Would Suck Without You by Kelly Clarkson
• 7 Things by Miley Cyrus
• This is Me by Demi Lovato
• So What by P!nk
• The Best Day by Taylor Swift
• I Gotta Feeling by The Black Eyed Peas
• The Heart of the Matter by India Arie
• All Dressed in Love by Jennifer Hudson
• Suddenly I See by KT Tunstall
• Lisztomania by Phoenix
• New Soul by Yael Naim
• Best of My Love by Emotions
• Right as Rain by Adele
• You’ve Made Us Conscious by The Audition
• Just Fine by Mary J. Blige
• Mi Swing Es Tropical by Nickodemus & Quantic
• You Belong with Me by Taylor Swift
• Isn’t She Lovely by Stevie Wonder

For those of you who joined us for the Girl World Tour presented by Dove go fresh Deodorant and Family Circle!

Q. My seventh grade daughter says another girl in her class is sexually active. The girl’s mom is just an acquaintance, and I don’t even know if the story is true. What do you advise?

A. Here’s what I don’t suggest: “Hi, Kathy, my daughter just came home and told me your daughter is hooking up with all the boys in the grade. Just thought you should know. Bye!” Instead, ask your daughter who’s the best counselor at school. Set up a meeting with that person and tell her what you’ve heard, saying, “I don’t know how accurate this information is, but I figured there’s a chance this girl may need some help.” Tell your daughter why you’re going, as in, “I’m making sure a professional is looking out for your classmate.” And be very clear that she’s not to gossip about any of this with her friends.

Q. In your October 17 article you said any adult has the right to respectfully discipline kids. But it can make a bad day worse if a stranger corrects my son, who has autism. Shouldn’t people be sensitive to special situations?

A. You are so right—everybody should remember that it’s too easy to see a child behaving badly and jump to the wrong conclusion. My strategy is to look at the child and adult to see whether either seems really overwhelmed or anxious. I might then ask the parent if she wants help. Sometimes, though, when a child is just plain rude, a quick response from another adult sends a strong message. For example, I was in the supermarket recently and my son made an obnoxious comment to me. An older man stepped forward and told him to stop disrespecting his mother. I thanked the guy and watched as my son flushed with embarrassment. As soon as we were alone my son and I had a conversation about manners and respect. So while correcting other people’s children treads on delicate ground, if we do it thoughtfully, we show kids that our whole community expects civility.

Q. My 14-year-old stepdaughter refuses to visit us since her father started making her listen to our house rules. What should we do?

A. If I were 14, I’d see “our house rules” as my stepmother forcing my dad to change the way he parents me and I’d blame her for being a control freak. So I’d disrespect my dad for bowing down, and I’d stay away. What should you do? Back off and let him take the primary role. He should privately ask her, “You don’t want to hang out at my house anymore. Why is that?” If she complains about the new decisions, he needs to say why he made them and reinforce that he wants her to be a part of his (and your) life, then ask what she needs to feel more comfortable in your home. This conversation probably won’t make her come running back, but it’s a good start.

Originally published in the January 2010 issue of Family Circle magazine.

Girls entering adulthood in the next decade will see more opportunities than today’s women ever imagined. Will these girls stride confidently through newly opened doors, or are they destined to be stunted by societal messages that tell them females should be constantly agreeable, impossibly thin and sexy above all else? Rachel interviews parents, psychologists, teachers and social workers who are helping nurture girls into capable, resilient adults. With courage and determination, these girls reveal their hopes and dreams for a powerful future.

Note: “A Girl’s Life” contains a scene in which epithets are bleeped out and a brief scene where a girl is being attacked by other girls. Discretion is advised.

“A Girl’s Life” premieres Wednesday, December 30 at 8 p.m. on PBS. Check your local listings for more information!

Resources for Parents & Educators

Watching the show with your daughter? Get some conversation starters for parents here.

Catch Rachel’s Q & A for parents – visit now to ask your question and join the conversation.

A Girl’s Life sparks lively discussion among girls and boys. Download a sample lesson plan here.

Rachel served as an expert advisor for PBS Parents’ Guide to Raising Girls. Read short, informative articles on female brain development, girls’ friendships, and the challenges of social media here.

To purchase “A Girl’s Life” on DVD, click here. Save $5 when you buy the DVD with Rachel’s book, Odd Girl Out, here.

For more resources on raising girls, check this out.

Looking for the next broadcast? Check local listings.

At rosalindwiseman.com we are contacted often by parents whose kids have experienced bullying and hazing. For the benefit of learning from the experiences of others, and taking away the stigma of talking about the traumatic consequences of these issues, we’ve chosen to share the story of a young girl named Alexa Berman who took her own life last year. In recognition of National Suicide Prevention Month, Alexa’s mother, Debbie, wrote the following passage in hopes that parents, teachers, and young people will never overlook the signs of a young person in despair.

Alexa was a lovely girl–not just physically. That was the least of it. She was insightful, artistic, witty, and humble. She was a dancer, a poet, an artist, and a real humanitarian. She was the light of her family’s life. That light was extinguished on August 23, 2008, when she was just 14 years old. It was her dad’s birthday and just 3 days before she was to begin high school, which was significant because she did not want to go.

Alexa took her own life that day. She hung herself in her bedroom while her family was home. It was a shock to everyone who knew her, even her parents. It was not that she didn’t have struggles. Some could be attributed to typical teenage angst, but others went deeper. She was treated for depression, successfully, it had seemed. Alexa tried very hard to put on a happy face to the outside world, even though she was in tremendous pain internally. She fooled her teachers, her school counselor, her therapist, her family, and her friends.

Alexa was a very sensitive girl, and while that is an attribute to be admired, even encouraged, it is unfortunately a trait that makes negotiating the middle school years tortuous. Alexa was not a child that was in the ‘popular group.’ Even as her parent, I can say that she was different. She did not fit into the mold. She was okay with having a few friends, but she wanted those friendships to be significant. She didn’t care for gossip and she was not mean spirited or sarcastic. This is not to say that she was weak. She had strong opinions and displayed leadership skills, especially in the areas in which she excelled as, academics, drama, and dance.

Alexa was adopted from a Russian orphanage when she was 3 ½ years old. Although she was a very happy little girl and seemed to make such a smooth adjustment to life in America, as she entered adolescence she began to have difficulty with the volatile nature of friendships.

She had a best friend for several years that I will call Gina. She thought of this girl as a soul sister, a real confidante. It was early in 8th grade when Gina, encouraged by another girl, Wendy (whom Alexa had introduced her to), gave her ‘the boot.’ Wendy decided to make Gina her best friend. There would be no room in this arrangement for Alexa.

For the rest of the year, Alexa was shunned, demeaned, and treated like she was worthless. The torment escalated to cyberbullying, where Alexa was told that she needed to apologize for her behavior to ever be reaccepted into the fold. There were times, when IM-ing that she thought she was communicating with Gina, but in actuality she was talking to Wendy. The computer became the perfect weapon to use against Alexa.

As the year progressed, Alexa seemed to weather the storm. She forged some new friendships, one in particular, with a sweet, intelligent girl. She was the lead in the school play, she learned to play guitar, continued her love of dance, and won the affections of a sensitive young man. She attended regular sessions with an insightful therapist outside of school and saw the guidance counselor in school. All bases seemed to be covered. She was given the choice of attending another high school out of district for ninth grade and chose not to go. And yet, three days before high school was to begin, she contacted her former friend Gina, and told her she was going to hang herself.

Alexa is not here for us to question, but it seems obvious after going over all of the details of her 8th grade year that she did not want to go to high school and have a repeat of what happened in middle school happen there.

What I Wish We Had Known

• ‘Quieter’ cruel behaviors as social exclusion and cyber-bullying are forms of bullying and should be brought to the attention of school personnel. We only brought it up to the counselor and one teacher.

• No matter whether you trust your child or not you must monitor their computer use. Our daughter wasn’t the tormenter, but she was being tormented on the computer and we should have limited her time alone on the computer.

• If your child is a journal writer, do not worry about privacy, check out the journal privately. We found out too late, after she was gone, how much despair our daughter felt.

• Teachers, be aware of the students who are very comfortable around staff members. Often these students are wrongly thought of as outgoing and confident, when in fact, when they are with their peers it is quite the opposite. Teachers loved Alexa, not just because she was a good student, but because she was so personable and could communicate on an adult level. If they watched her in the cafeteria they would have seen quite a different girl.

• Teach your children and students that if they hear anyone make a threat of suicide, even if they do not take it seriously, they must contact an adult. If that adult does not respond appropriately, tell another. This is whether the threat is made face to face, in a written note, or on the computer. Our daughter told people that she was going to take her life and no one told us. She blogged that she was thinking about it. The site got 17 hits and no one let us know. She told a neighbor, who told his mother, and she chose not to tell us. She emailed her former best friend, telling her exactly how she intended to end her life the morning before she hung herself. The friend kept this information to herself.

One of the most important things to take away from Alexa’s story is that even though sometimes signs seem obvious after the fact, this is beyond challenging when you are dealing with it with your own child. The Berman’s were a loving and well-meaning family who dealt with Alexa’s friendship struggles and depression in the best way they could.

When you have a child who is depressed or tends towards depression, it is extremely important to talk to them about what to do if they have thoughts of suicide. They need to know that they can talk to you, and if they don’t feel comfortable with that then they should think of 2 or 3 other trusted adults they feel comfortable talking to. They need to know that you love them and that those feelings are nothing to be ashamed of, but that they need help and that there are people there for them.

With regard to Debbie Berman’s recommendation about reading the journal–this is a really complicated issue. In general, we advise parents to give their kids a right to privacy when it comes to journaling. Particularly for kids who are struggling socially, journals can be an invaluable place to self-express. They are a safe space where kids can process their lives with honesty. That being said, if you are worried about your child and have witnessed a change in behavior you have to trust your gut and use your best judgment.

Finally, with kids that tend towards depression, it’s important to remember that even those who respond positively to treatment can fall back into it. Big events, like starting high school, can trigger bouts of depression and anxiety even when one is considered to be out of the woods.

To learn more about preventing suicide among adolescents and teens visit:

Youth Suicide Prevention Program

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

American Academy of Pediatrics

Yellow Ribbon

Kids Health

Several years ago SMITH Magazine came out with their first enormously successful book of tiny reflections entitled Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six Word Memoirs by Writers Famous and Obscure. The collection challenged people to tell their story in only six words, inspired by Hemingway’s famous response when asked to do just that: “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.” The popularity of the original books has since inspired submission contests several niche spin-offs on love, motherhood, food, and America.

Last week, SMITH released yet another collection, “I Can’t Keep My Own Secrets: Six Word Memoirs by Teens Famous and Obscure.” I just watched the video promo for the book on Vimeo which I’ve embedded here for you to enjoy as well. The collection is at once funny, awkward, and poignant, and really brought me back to high school days.

I’ll continue SMITH’s six word challenge on this site today: what are six words that could sum up your middle or high school days? To get you started, here are some memoirs I wrote of my teen years:

I regret those jeans and hair.

Sorry, mom. I was completely insufferable.

Please please make out with me!

Thank goodness Facebook didn’t exist yet.

The best was yet to come.

Leave your teenage memoirs below, I can’t wait to hear from you!

Six-Word Memoirs by Teens Famous & Obscure from SMITHmag on Vimeo.

One has to wonder how time and time again adult producers of kids shows, teen starlets, and parents of those starlets seem to blatantly disregard the audience for which they’re marketing their content and its imagery. Sometimes I like to imagine how the development meetings go for the choreography, sets, and wardrobe on one of these shows. Perhaps something like this:

Producer: We’ve got Miley confirmed for her performance, so how do we make this year better than ever? Millions of kids and tweens will be watching, so it has to be good!
Set designer: Well, everyone loves that song, “Party in the USA”. It’s all about a girl who moves from a small town to Hollywood, so we should definitely have Miley start by coming out of a trailer.
Wardrobe Stylist: Yes! And with trashy looking girls following her! You know, colored bras coming out of tight tank tops, cut-off jeans shorts. And Miley is still young and tall and skinny so she should be able to pull off the short shorts and some high-heeled boots.
Choreographer: I like where you’re going with this. And the dance moves should be easy because she talks about “moving her hips like yeah” and being in the club with everyone looking at her. We should have her do some cool club moves on a pole or something.
Producer: Whoa whoa whoa! Hold it! A pole? Do 16 year olds these days go to clubs with poles?
Set Designer: Good question. Maybe only in big cities. Let’s make it more relatable by putting the pole on top of an ice cream cart. Everyone in American has an ice cream man.
Producer: Yes! I love it! Party in the USA!!

It’d be one thing if this were an isolated instance, but it seems as though every time we turn around another underage actress or songstress is pushing the envelope of propriety with adult lyrics, revealing clothing, and an “I’m not a little kid any more and everyone should let me be who I want to be” attitude. And when you really stop and think about what the root problem is and who is to blame, it can be rather overwhelming. We’ve got entertainment companies who’ve made millions of dollars off of these girls in their younger years, but they realize that their audience will outgrow their content if it doesn’t start to look more like the mainstream adult artists already in the market. The young stars and their parents must realize this too, and with such big paychecks attached to contracts and performances there isn’t much incentive to complain. And there is really no avoiding the content since Miley, Selena, and Vanessa (to name a few) still fill the TV stations we’re comfortable letting kids watch all the time, like Disney Channel and Nickelodeon. And it’s pretty hard to walk into a major retailer like Target or Wal-Mart without encountering the merchandise. So what’s a parent to do?

As with all of the media content discussed here, we advocate that you talk to your kids about it in a way that engages them in conversation and asks them to think critically without dismissing their opinions or preferences. So if you know your kids watched Miley’s ice cream cart gyrations during last week’s Teen Choice Awards, ask them:

• What did you think about Miley’s performance at the Teen Choice Awards? How is it different from other performances she has done in the past?
• In a lot of Miley’s other videos and performances she’s wearing a lot more clothing. Do you think that stars like Miley feel pressure to dress sexier?
• What do you think the producers of the show want the audience to think about Miley based on the choreography and her outfit?
• Her song talks a lot about going to clubs in a taxi cab by herself. She’s only 16, so obviously that’s not legal. Why do you think that she wants to sing about going to clubs?
• Do you think that people would still like Miley or her music if she didn’t start dressing sexier or talking about older things? Do stars need to act older than they are to stay popular?
• What are the benefits for someone to dress sexy? What do people think about them that they would like?
• What are the drawbacks for someone to dress sexy? What do people think about them that they wouldn’t like?
• What do you think Miley’s parents think about her performance or her outfit?
• Since mostly kids and tweens watch the Teen Choice Awards, what do you think the producers of that show are assuming about people your age? Is what they think correct?

If you’re interested in a more in-depth analysis of the sexualization of girls and teens in our culture, check out Dr. Diane Levin and Jean Kilbourne’s So Sexy So Soon: The New Sexualized Childhood and What Parents Can Do to Protect Their Kids.

What do you think about Miley’s performance? Are your kids talking about it? What are ways that you’ve talked to them about things like this that have worked? We’d love to hear from you!

They're 10 years apart, but Britney and Miley are looking awfully similar these days.

“She wants to touch me, woohoo, she wants to love me woohoo, she’ll never leave me, woohoo woohoo! Don’t trust a ho, never trust a ho, won’t trust a ho cuz a ho won’t trust me!”

“Shush girl! Shut your lips! Do the Helen Keller, and talk with your hips!”

Not surprisingly, you may have whipped your head around when you heard them belting this and said something like, “Do the Helen Keller? What the heck is that supposed to mean?” Did your kid just roll their eyes at you and say something like, “I don’t know, it’s just funny! What’s the big deal?”

“Don’t Trust Me” is a great conversation starter, both because of the song’s lyrics and the music video, which I’ve embedded below. It’s a fantastic example of a song with a really fun beat but with esoteric lyrics and absurd video that not a lot of people seem to understand conceptually–not even your music-savvy teen son or daughter. Below are some viewer comments from YouTube that echo the general consensus about the video:

badboiz40: i just love the way everyones like bad vid etc… not all videos to songs have to be perfect you know, i bet they’ve had such a laugh making this vid and good on them. break the mold.

PrettyLush956: lol “I said shhhh girl shush your lips do the helen keller and talk with your hips.” My friends crack up everytime i say that I love this song it’s the best!

Bidz19: Luv the song!! Video is pretty random,the girls are like totally slutty and the Helen Keller bit is a bit off!!Bad form! oda dan dat, I love it!! Shud come with warning, very catchy content!

What is pretty clear from the get go is that girls aren’t respected in the song or in the video. So if the artists, the lyrics, and the video are all just having fun, is it worth analyzing or complaining about?

Here are some questions I’d ask your son or daughter if 3OH!3 is getting heavy rotation on their iPod, in your car, or elsewhere.

• Do you think the guys in this song are calling all girls “ho’s” or just certain girls? What defines a “ho”? What does a girl have to do to be labeled one?
• When a girl is labeled a “ho”, is this always fair? Is it something she’s stuck with?
• What do you think these guys wanted to say about themselves with this video?
• If it’s just a joke, what happens when someone thinks it isn’t funny? Do people listen to them?
• By saying “Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips,” the artists are actually making fun of deaf people. What do you think about this? Would it be socially acceptable if they were making fun of people with other disabilities? Do you have to find this funny in order to like this song? If it was one of your friends that said that and not the artist, what would you think?
• How important is it for bands to have empathy or be “politically correct”?

If you want to take it one step further, you can also ask them if they’ve seen the “girl version” of “Don’t Trust Me” that was made by a teen girl and posted on YouTube. Essentially nothing is different about the song except that she did her own video and sings verbatim over the lyrics, but it’s interesting to look at considering the content of the song she’s singing.

• What does it say to guys when girls sing along to songs that say “shush girl, shut your lips” or “never trust a ho”?

What are your kids saying about “Don’t Trust Me” and what do you feel about the song? Is it all in good fun? Or are you uptight if you don’t get the joke?

It seems like every other week that a new female celebrity has to issue a statement, post a blog, or “respond” to the chatter about her weight. Without even thinking, I can recall Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Love-Hewitt, Oprah, Tyra Banks, Cheryl Burke…please fill in the blanks where I’ve left some out. I like Vardalos’ blog because it’s not an excuse for what her body should or should not look like–she has nothing to apologize for and never did. It’s also not a glossy “women of every shape and size are beautiful” line that you know she herself does not believe because in two weeks she’ll show up at an event looking gaunt and chic having learned her lesson about letting herself go. Vardalos really hits the nail on the head about the fact that our weight-obsessed culture always seems to negate substantive conversations, recognition of accomplishments, or responsible dialogue for the “this is how I lost 20 pounds in 20 minutes” story every time. Her tone is as it should be–disappointed that somehow this is all we’re ever talking about.

It’s just weight. Just 40 pounds of fat now gone from my body, but wow, it’s pretty much all I get asked about. In the last year, I got to star in a movie, wrote and directed my next one, and adopted a three year old from American Foster Care. But guess what I’m asked…how did I lose the weight?

Vardalos rightly brings up how we buy or subscribe to our guilty pleasure US Weekly’s and Life & Style’s that only validate the enormously profitable machine of perpetuating unintelligent (and frankly, embarrassing) dialogue and imagery about what our culture truly values. Perhaps you consider yourself among the many people whom I’m sure will read this blog and say “that stuff is just entertainment and nobody takes it seriously. It doesn’t mean I’m not a smart person just because I like to relax sometimes.” Totally valid. I like a snarky celebrity blog as much as the next guy. But for all the entertainment value, you then have to be willing to think about and acknowledge your contribution to women not being taken seriously. Because it’s really amazing how much we actually absorb when we’re reading or watching this mindless content. In addition to the entertainment we derive from it, we’re also taking away lessons about what it means to be counted in our culture.

What do I mean by that? Well, do me a favor and walk into the checkout aisle at any grocery store. My refrigerator is nearly empty at the moment, so I have not been this week, but I’d bet my future first born on that at least two, if not more, of the following themes permeate the cover lines:

• Who has the biggest ass and made the critical error of wearing a bathing suit within snapping distance of a camera lens that could see water on Mars?
• Who starved themselves into a 5′9″ stack of protruding collar bones, shoulder blades, and rib cage?
• Whose husband wants more children/cares more about the children and is ready to leave her for a more maternal woman?
• Who hates who for stealing her ex-boyfriend? What did they say to each other at that nightclub?
• Who is out all night partying when she should be home with her kids? Whose boyfriend is out all night partying while she has no idea?
• Whose mental health is crumbling before our eyes as we wait for them to completely self-destruct?
• Whose plastic surgery made them look like Daisy Duck?

Think about all of the grocery store lines you’ve stood in, all the tabloid covers you’ve read, all the ones your daughter has read even though you’d never buy her stuff like that. In the time it takes to get a price check on aisle 7 we learn that you can’t be too fat or too thin, you had better love kids and be damn careful to keep an eye on your boyfriend/fiance/husband because every other woman on earth is ultimately just a jealous hussy in disguise waiting to steal your man. You learn you have to be fun enough to keep it exciting or else he’ll cheat on you, but don’t let loose because that means you’re a drunk and an unfit parent. And lest you forget, you learn that you were/will be day-old bread at 30, so you may want to invest in some preventative medicine, whatever the cost to your wallet or original facial features.

Come on ladies?! Is it not offensive that a woman of 35 gets applauded for “looking good for her age” or the chubby girl gets the backhanded compliment of “embracing her curves”. (Like, isn’t it so nice that she is comfortable with her body even though we’re totally not?) Must our acceptance always be couched in disclaimers? Don’t you ever get MAD when you read this stuff? Or are the years of subconscious absorption telling you that to be counted we can’t get mad? If we were to complain about this we’re too uptight, we can’t just look at something for entertainment’s sake, we’re no fun.

The fact is, how can we talk about wanting the young women and girls in our lives to just be happy with who they are when we never, ever take a break from reinforcing the rules of what you need to be counted–not even in line at the grocery store. We never give ourselves and others permission to struggle–with our weight, with breakups and sadness, with choices and relationships and growing pains. (And while it would take me a whole other blog to tackle the subject, this is absolutely applicable to men as well even though the nuances are different.)

I’ll be the first to admit it can seem like a fruitless battle to boycott or ignore the endless array of magazines, television shows, music, and movies that don’t women seriously, so instead of asking you to quit watching E! cold turkey and cancel your subscription to Hello, I’d first just challenge you to start paying attention. Do you feel like the way women are discussed in popular media is fair? And it’s never too early to start engaging your daughters (and sons!) in a discussion about this as well. Some possible talking points for a younger child are below, but you can always tweak the language a bit for older kids.

• What do you think about the way girls dress on television and in music videos?
• Why do you think producers always put them in skimpy outfits?
• Who do you think are good role models that you see on television and why?
• Celebrity’s lives look pretty good because they have lots of money and they all are so pretty, but what do you think would be hard about that?
• What do you think happens if they aren’t pretty anymore? Do you agree with that?

Our world is saturated with this content and these messages, but if we don’t start having alternative conversations with ourselves, with our friends, and with girls, none of it will ever be different.

So, do you agree or disagree? I want to hear your thoughts, so please leave feedback!

“Love Sex Magic” is Ciara’s hit single off of her Fantasy Ride album that debuted on May 5, 2009. In the song and the video, she and pop icon Justin Timberlake sing about their erotic flirtation. This is certainly not an anomaly in popular music, and you can probably think of 15 other videos as you read this sentence that show the same kind of imagery or present sexuality in the same way. But the reason this video and Ciara are worth talking about are because of the trajectory she’s taken as an artist. 

I recently did a post on one of our favorite videos to dissect: Ciara’s “Like a Boy”, where she’s making a commentary on the double standards present in many in male-female relationships. While not all of Ciara’s videos in the past have the direct purpose of turning the culture on its head and making you think, “Like a Boy” is representative of her as an artist because it reflects the dance roots that put her on the map. (You can check out her earlier hit videos for “1, 2 Step” and “Oh” at the end of this post.) 

With “Love Sex Magic”, Ciara has made a significant departure from her earlier work, bringing in a sexual aspect that we haven’t seen from her in the past. And like so many artists before her, when put on the spot about it, she talks about how she’s growing as an artist, expressing herself in new ways, etc. But does she need to show the more sexual side of her to keep her fans guessing? Here’s a recent post on a www.blackvoices.com message board (run by AOL) discussing Ciara’s “Love Sex Magic” performance on SNL in May 2009:

Sumthinspec: All the sexy sexy stuff isn’t her. She should go back to the mini-Janet Jackson thing she was doing in the beginning because sexy and seductive is not her at all. I felt like she was trying to copy Beyonce. Ciara needs to do Ciara.

Here’s the video so you can check it out for yourself:

Ciara – Love Sex Magic (featuring Justin Timberlake) (Official Music Video) – For more amazing video clips, click here

This may be a little too hot and heavy to play as a media literacy lesson in its entirety if you work in a school, so you could compromise by either using a short clip, printing the lyrics and letting the students read them, or inquiring as to who has already seen the video. We’d also only recommend this video be used in high school and above. Unfortunately, we’ve found that for the most part it’s kids between grades 4 and 7 that watch the most music videos (seriously) so we encourage you to use your best judgment as to what you can and cannot show in order to start a discussion. 

• “Like a Boy” is all about challenging stereotypes. Does “Love Sex Magic” challenge or reinforce stereotypes? What stereotypes does it challenge or reinforce?
• Is Ciara selling out? What are the pros of this? What are the cons?
• Does she lose her credibility for doing this video? Why or why not?
• If an artist chooses to do a sexy video, are they always stuck with that reputation? Is this a good or bad thing? How important is an artist’s reputation to how much people listen to their music? 
• This video was directed by a woman. Do women have a higher responsibility to know what images they are communicating and why? Do you think female video directors feel like they have to “go there” to get credibility in their industry?

If you can’t show the video in a classroom but just want some supplemental material, Ciara’s done plenty of interviews on “Love Sex Magic” and we’ve embedded one below.
Ciara Interview

Finally, if you’re interested in checking out Ciara’s evolution as a singer and artist, we’ve included two of her most popular early videos: “Oh” featuring Ludacris, and her first single “1, 2 Step” featuring Missy Elliot.

“Oh” by Ciara featuring Ludacris

“1, 2 Step” by Ciara featuring Missy Elliot

Ciara – 1, 2 Step (Official Music Video) – The best home videos are here

When you play it for your students you will likely notice that it makes some of them uncomfortable–particularly the guys. This is okay, and it’s a great place from which to start a discussion. Here are some talking points that we use with this video that you might find helpful in getting started:

• Does this video make you uncomfortable? Why? (If they say no but are laughing or look uncomfortable, you can press this by saying, ‘So if this is not uncomfortable it must be because what Ciara is saying is normal or accurate. Do you agree with what she says in the video? Why?’)
• When Ciara says “sometimes I wish I could act like a boy,” is she saying that because it sounds like fun or because she’d want boys to know how it feels?
• Are the things Ciara is complaining about realistic?
• If they are, why do girls have these kinds of relationships? 
• Why do you think Reggie Bush was cast in the video? What is it communicating by having him sit in the chair? 

We love this video for its blatant challenge to gender roles and how girls and guys think they are supposed to behave in relationships. Let us know how the discussion goes when you get your kids talking. We’ve embedded the video below:

Like a Boy Video