This version – brought to life by the fantastically quirky director Tim Burton – is actually more a sequel to the original. Alice is now a 19-year-old in Victorian London, being pushed into marriage by her mother, and believes that Wonderland is merely an imaginary place from her recurring dreams. The spirited Alice who first took a trip down the rabbit hole years before is still a curious dreamer, but the film’s creators set out to invigorate this Alice with strong self-agency.

Wonderland screenwriter Linda Woolverton told the New York Times, “I do feel it’s really important to depict strong-willed, empowered women, because women and girls need role models, which is what art and characters are. Girls who are empowered have an opportunity to make their own choices, difficult choices, and set out on their own road.”

Caution: Spoiler Alert!

Alice is so inspiring not because she merely kills the evil Jabberwocky, fulfilling what was “destined” of her. Instead, Alice chooses her own path because she wants to do what’s right and help her friends.  Yes, she doubts her ability along the way, thinking it would be “impossible” to fight such a beast (she’d be crazy not to). But in the end is encouraged by the words her father once spoke:

“Sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”

Alice finds her strength, saves the day, and then returns to real life to turn down her marriage proposal in favor a job with her father’s trading company. And that’s not the only reason why Wonderland makes a great subject for media literacy; it’s also rich with allusions to the Girl World Box and social hierarchy roles—Hello Red Queen (Bee)!

So, take your students to see Alice in Wonderland and start a discussion with these questions:

• What scenes and quotes from the film illustrate Alice’s self-agency? (Examples include her declaration to Absolem she’s not a “stupid girl”; the discussions of her being the “right Alice”; when she dismisses the Mad Hatter’s proclamation that she’s lost her “muchness”; as well as those described above)
• Why is self-agency important for all of us?
• How is Alice a “Champion”?
• How is the Red Queen like a “Queen Bee”? (Push kids to explain further than just “she’s mean”— some examples include the way in which she controls those around her; how she feels people and things are disposable unless they are of use to her; and her constant fear of being overthrown and needing to maintain her power.)
• Why do the Queen’s followers pretend to all have odd physical characteristics?
• What did you think of the White Queen? What role in Girl World does she play? (This character was rather flat, and hypocritically says she cannot kill the Jabberwocky because it’s “against her vows,” so it would be interesting to see whether kids will pick up on this.)

For all the crazy fan obsession over the film and its hot young stars, you may be surprised to learn that for nearly the entire length of New Moon Edward and Bella aren’t together. In one of the first few scenes Edward breaks up with  Bella out of fear that her continued presence around him and his vampire family is too dangerous. Hoping that an out-of-sight out-of-mind approach will temper her pain and allow her to move on he tells her, “This is the last time you’ll ever see me.”

It doesn’t work.

Bella plunges into a deep, months-long depression. In the book, author Stephanie Meyer personifies Bella’s coma-like state with blank page after blank page. When Bella finally resurfaces, she’s anything but whole. Bella frequently refers to the absence of Edward as a huge, gaping hole in her chest, and begins to take on the habit of sitting with her knees curled up, arms wrapped around her chest—a futile attempt to hold the pain in.

Then, out of nowhere, Edward’s back … but not really. Bella realizes that any time she does something reckless, an apparition of Edward flashes in her mind, begging her not to do the crazy thing she’s planning.

“If a rush of danger is what it takes to see him then that’s what I’ll find.” —Bella

She enlists the help of her best friend Jacob to teach her to ride a motorcycle, spurring on more Edward illusions. Incidentally, Bella’s friendship with Jacob is integral to her beginning to heal her emotional wound. He’s the only one she feels truly comfortable with, and doesn’t feel the need mask her sadness from.

But when the motorcycle rides begin to lose their adrenaline-inducing effect, Bella decides needs a bigger brush with death – in the climax of the film Bella jumps from a cliff into the ocean, a feat she’s seen Jacobs friends attempt in the past. She jumps, but can’t compete with the current and nearly drowns. (No spoiler here, as there are two more movies in the series.)

The reason why I appreciate New Moon (the book, and to a lesser degree the film) is that I, and millions of others around the globe, can walk this painful journey hand-in-hand with Bella. You know that weirdly invigorating feeling you get when listening to a sad love song on full blast in your car –maybe even one that reminds you of a past love who broke your heart? That’s what I get from New Moon.

You very well may think it’s cheesy or trite (if I hear the phrase “teen angst” in relation to the Twilight saga one more time I may scream!), but Bella’s depression in New Moon is not to be taken lightly. And her solution of self-inflicted pain is comparable to taking drugs, cutting, and other risky behavior that many people go to in these types of situations. This is very heavy information for kids to process without a meaningful discussion, which, sadly, I doubt is happening in most cases. So don’t miss this excellent opportunity to talk to teens about what to do with your feelings when it feels like you’re heart will never work again, because we’ve been through it and we know it will.

Outside Resources:

Check out guest blogger and author Rachel Simmons’ take on New Moon madness, including a guide for educators

Suicide Prevention Resource Center

Kids Health

Listen to Rosalind’s Recent BBC Interview About the Twilight Phenomenon:

New Moon BBC Interview, Long Version, November 11, 2009

This, of course, played right into the hands of Gossip Girl producers. As Amy Jussel of Shaping Youth notes, “CW knows the teen motivators well, ‘the more you ban it/admonish it/censor it’ the more appeal it has to kids.” And they “clearly [have] a gluttonous appetite for purposeful controversy (and has from day one, just check their ongoing ad campaigns).”

Visit Shaping Youth to read more of Jussel’s fantastic analysis of the marketing motivations behind the Gossip Girl episode and the industry’s responsibility for its programming.

Cleverly, GG didn’t actually have to make the threesome particularly racy to get the ratings it wanted. When the deed finally aired in the waning minutes of the show it featured a series of kissing between Dan, his girlfriend Olivia, and his best friend Vanessa, but never at the same time; the next shot showed them all asleep in bed together—an implied menage-a-trois.

Yes, we have a right to be shocked by this and not want our kids to see it, but in the age of DVR, online streaming and digital downloads, they probably will: you can watch the past three episodes of GG on the CW site or buy them from iTunes for $1.99.

So, as uncomfortable as it may be, we have to use it as a teachable moment. In an interview on NPR’s All Things Considered, Liz Perle, Co-Founder of Common Sense Media, said she used the episode to talk to her teenage son “about how the industry works, which is look at how hard they have to scream at you to get you to tune in.” On Common Sense’s website kids and parents share more ideas about using GG as a conversation starter.

And while the PTC was disappointed to see the threesome plot line carried in the subsequent Nov. 16 episode, I was thrilled that they actually chose to explore the emotional fallout of an intimate experience among three friends. Oh, did I forget to mention Olivia and Vanessa are roommates at NYU?

So, hold your breath, watch the clip, and dive into the deep end with these conversation jumping off points:

Nov. 9 Episode – “They Shoot Humphreys Don’t They?

• Dan, Olivia and Vanessa admit to never having participated in a threesome before, so what might be motivating them now? What are they trying to prove and to whom are they proving it?
• What role did alcohol play in the situation? Why do you think the writers had Olivia down her shot of tequila right before she kisses Dan?
• If one (or more) of them felt uncomfortable with the situation what would make it difficult to speak up?
• Olivia is played by former Disney star Hilary Duff; what pressure does Duff (now 22) face to appeal to an older audience to remain popular?
• Why do you think the producers thoughts showing a three-way sex scene would be good for ratings?

Nov. 16 Episode – “The Last Days of Disco Stick”

• At the beginning of this episode Dan tells his guy friend Nate about his night with Olivia and Vanessa, bragging, “How awesome am I?” What does Dan (and guys in general) hope to gain by telling people about his exploits?
• Despite the girls’ apparent consent to the threesome, each becomes jealous of the other’s relationship with Dan afterward – Olivia suspecting romantic feelings between the best friends, and Vanessa getting upset for being pushed out as the third wheel. How do the girls express their anger? Is it effective to resolve the situation? Why do girls tend to focus their anger on the other girl than the guy in this type of situation?
• On the show Dan and Vanessa are best friends, and by the end of this episode Dan realizes he may have feelings for her. What do you think would happen if he tells her how he feels? What if he doesn’t tell her? How will his affect their friendship?
• Do you think the way the characters reacted in this episode is realistic?
• Bonus Question: Lady GaGa guest stared on this episode and performed her new single “Bad Romance.” What does she gain by associating herself with this show? What does the show gain? What do they each lose?

Technology can be “dangerous tools when left without education surrounding them,” said speaker Robin Raskin of the Consumer Electronics Association.

The highlight of the summit, coordinated by Internet safety group Wired Safety, came early in the afternoon when Senator Bob Menendez, D-NJ, addressed approximately 50 attendees gathered in the Kennedy Senate Caucus Room. “Inadequate funding makes it difficult to get [cyber safety] programs into schools,” Menendez said. He is the author of the School And Family Education about the Internet (SAFE Internet) Act that would create grants for evidence-based education programs, currently under consideration by Congress.

Panelists, which included representatives from Verizon, MTV, Girl Scouts, Disney Online, the U.S. Department of Education, parents, and youth from Wired Safety’s Tween and Teen Angels programs among others, expressed the need to help all stakeholders – from kids to teachers, to government and service providers – learn how to recognize, report and stop inappropriate or abusive online behavior.

The key issue, many said, is bringing awareness to the parental controls and filtering capabilities already available through software and technology providers.

“Users are the first line of defense,” said Adam Conner, Associate for Privacy and Global Public Policy at Facebook.

For example, enabling Google’s SafeSearch limits explicit content coming up in kids’ browsing. Social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter and myYearbook allow users to block anyone they choose, and to report people who attack, harass, or send inappropriate content. Bystanders also need to play a role in calling out irresponsible behavior, Connor said.

Conference organizer and Wired Safety founder, Parry Aftab, said that outreach on cyber issues must not just inform, but offer succinct, easy-to-implement strategies to be successful. Several panelists also suggested that companies and government use entertaining and engaging means – like videos and interactive games — to spread awareness, particularly when directed at kids.

While in recent years many have pushed for laws to criminalize cyberbullying, at least one panelist spoke to the potential drawbacks to such legislation. “Law is a blunt instrument,” said Berin Szoka, Senior Fellow at The Progress and Freedom Foundation. “It doesn’t always do what you want it to do,” he said, citing possible free speech limitations. In written testimony to the House Subcommittee on Crime Terrorism & Homeland Security in September, Szoka wrote, “Criminalizing what is mostly child-on-child behavior will not likely solve the age-old problem of kids mistreating each other.”

Top Take-Aways from the StopCyberbulling Coalition Round Table:

• Be Tech-Savvy: No, you don’t need to have a Facebook account or play online games 24/7; but you do need to know the basics of what your kids are doing online and what you can do to keep them safe. Technology providers are aware of this problem, too, and many are developing videos and games to help parents understand the tech their kids use. Here are a few places to start: SafetyClicks, Wired Moms, Get Game Smart, Stay Safe Online, OnGuard Online, iKeepSafe.
• Communicate: Parents should monitor kids’ online and wireless activity, and discuss appropriate and inappropriate behavior. If possible, write and sign a technology contract that explicitly states what children are and are not allowed to do with their technology. Together, create and enforce consequences for breaking the rules. Additionally, kids often don’t report bullying to adults – discuss why this may be hard, but the benefits of each. Explain that an adult sometimes is necessary to help solve the problem, but that you’ll decide together how to handle the situation.
• Empower Adolescents: Technology is ubiquitous in the lives of today’s kids and teens—TV, cell phones, social networks, gaming, PDAs, and skype – so we can’t hide from it. Rather, we need to teach them how to use it ethically and responsibly. After all, lots of kids know what they’re doing when they harass someone online or take nude pictures of themselves – but they may not fully understand the consequences of those actions. Or, the victims of attacks may feel powerless to stop it. You can use Rosalind’s SEAL strategy as a starting place to teach kids how they can speak out when it’s happening to them or a friend.
• Support our Schools: Teachers and school personnel don’t always have the adequate resources to address issues of cyberbullying and sexting. Ask your child’s teacher or counselor what the school’s procedure is to report bullying, and ask if it also includes cyberbullying. Schools do have the right to intervene in cases of bullying – even if they occur outside of school – when it impacts the safety of the school environment. Ask if the school has an anti-bullying education program. If not, work with them and other members of the school community, including kids, to build one. Rosalind’s Owning Up Curriculum is one of many such tools available for teachers.

Special Giveaway!

Build-A-Bear Workshop was a sponsor of Tuesday’s panel. Their social networking site for younger children Build-A-Bearville incorporates cyber safety education and tools into its virtual world. We took home two adorable stuffed bears to give away (one “boy” and one “girl”).

Here’s how to win:

Tell us your favorite tip for online safety (a method you practice, a website, a book, ANYTHING) and enter it in the comments below before Friday, October 23 at 5pm ET. Winners will be chosen at random from among the entries.

Good luck!

Additional Resources:

• StopCyberbullying
• Education Resources Information Center
• OnGuardOnline
• iKeepSafe Internet Safety Coalition
• The Center For Education Reform
• Wired Moms
• TweenAngels
• TeenAngels
• WiredSafety
• Department of Homeland Security National Cybersecurity Division
• National Cyber Security Alliance
• Get Game Smart
• Raising Digital Kids

The very first Moonman of the night went to 19-year-old Taylor Swift, who won the award for Best Female Video for her song “You Belong With Me” – topping music powerhouses such as Beyoncé Knowles, Kelly Clarkson, Lady Gaga, Katy Perry and P!nk. As Swift began her acceptance speech, singer Kanye West – apparently upset at the outcome – hijacked Taylor’s spotlight: he took the stage, grabbed her mic, and said, “Taylor, I’m really happy for you. I’ll let you finish, but Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time.”

Then West shrugged his shoulders, handed the mic back, and left the stage, but the damage was done. Swift stood stunned while the rest of the crowd, including Beyonce, looked on in disbelief. She never got to finish her speech.

I was immediately infuriated. And believe me, I wasn’t the only one – the Twitterverse erupted in contempt for Kanye, and within an hour Swift’s supporters had made “teamtaylor” one of the top 10 keywords on the microblogging site. Most of the comments lashed out at Kanye, calling him one synonym for “jerk” or another. But I had only one thought.

Why do some people believe their right to have their voice heard is more important than others’?

Kayne’s outburst shows precisely how power and privilege can be exercised at the expense of others. Whereas others in the crowd or home audience may have disagreed that Taylor deserved the award, Kanye, for whatever reason, felt so strongly that his opinion deserved to be heard that it didn’t matter whose rights he had to step on in order to achieve it. And, because Kayne is who he is (insanely famous, rich, and respected in the industry), no one stopped him from crashing the stage and physically taking Taylor’s mic away from her in the middle of her speech. The scene epitomized the dynamic of relational aggression.

Beyonce Knowles and Taylor Swift at the MTV Video Music Awards.

But not everyone uses their power to dismiss others. My faith was redeemed by this moment: At the end of the night when Beyonce won the Video of the Year award, the 28-year-old singer graciously invited Swift back to the stage to finish her speech, saying “I remember being 17-years-old, up for my first MTV Award with Destiny’s Child and it was one of the most exciting moments in my life. So I’d like Taylor to come out and have her moment.”

Sure, Beyonce may have just been trying to save face (who wants 2 million 13-year-old girls on their bad side?) But she still used her position of power to make the situation right. Her action illustrated that Taylor – and every person – has the inherent right to have her voice heard. Whether it’s in front of 50 million people on live television, or five people in the lunchroom, that right is nonnegotiable.

So, what do I do to stay connected? Below are the five best tools I’ve found for doing research on teens, tweens, and pop culture. Check them out and in no time you’ll be a teen culture expert!

YouTube.com

Fred is a tween YouTube sensation.

Okay, this seems obvious right? You’ve actually heard of YouTube and you know your kids use it. But did you realize quite how much they use it? A recent study by Symantec Norton (the anti-virus software company) revealed that YouTube is the #1 most-searched keyword by kids. On top of that, the #9 top-searched word is “Fred,” a tween YouTube sensation who makes somewhat-funny videos in an incredibly annoying high-pitched voice. But I digress…kids and teens are using it so that means you need to also. The great thing about YouTube is that you can use it to watch pretty much any music video, as well as lots of TV and movie clips. Not only will you find the official videos, but kids will often make their own tributes (or “video response”) to their favorite ones and post those online, too. These can usually be found under “related videos” on the right-hand column. Start by entering the songs and shows you know your kids like plus the word “official,” and then see where your search takes you. Then, scroll down and see what people have said in the Comments section. Finally, you can check out individual profiles of people who comment or subscribe to a channel and by doing so, get an idea of what the general demographic for that content looks like.

Urban Dictionary.com

Bromance. fauxhawk. butter face. Stanky Leg. kthxbi. postgame. manorexia. fml. Bush league. Twihard.

If you’ve ever heard a young person use a word and had absolutely no idea what in the world it meant, try typing it into the site UrbanDictionary.com. Urban Dictionary is no Merriam-Websters—it’s primarily for slang words and phrases. It allows users to submit definitions for the words and then other people can rate the definitions with a thumbs up or down until eventually the most accurate one rises to the top. It’s extremely useful for avoiding the embarrassment of actually asking a teen what the word they’re using is and sounding like a complete idiot when you pronounce it. However, under no circumstances should you actually try to use said word in everyday conversation—just because you know what it means does not give you instant credibility with teens to use it. Also, as a warning, you might find some vulgar words or phrases that you really, really never wanted to know you kid knows. Don’t worry, in 99.9999% of cases kids use these terms to either be funny or impress their friends, not to refer to people or events in their real lives.

iTunes Store

Why should iTunes—the media downloading program from Apple—and specifically the iTunes Store become your new best friend? Because it does all the work for you! First, the iTunes Store conveniently lists the top-100 downloaded items in every single category (song singles, albums, TV shows, movie sales, music videos, etc.). That means you don’t have to guess what’s popular – it’s all right there and constantly updated. Plus, iTunes gives you a 30-second preview of every song and video, so you don’t have to spend any money to get a quick glimpse of what something’s about. If you do want to make a purchase, most songs are around 99 cents (TV shows are $1.99 and movies start at $3.99). You can download iTunes for free—no matter what computer system you have—at http://www.apple.com/itunes/ then go to the “Store” on the left-hand side of the program and start window shopping!

MetroLyrics / LyricsMode / LetsSingIt / LyricsMania

Most kids know the lyrics to their favorite songs by heart. But even after hearing a song on the radio 100 times, I often still miss some of them. Lucky for us, the Internet makes finding song lyrics ridiculously easy. Just type in the name of a song or artist and the word “lyrics” into your favorite search engine and the results will pop up with various sites containing the lyrics to the song. Since most of these sites rely on user-submitted content, I often will cross-reference among them to verify what the most accurate ones are. But wait, what if you don’t know the name of a song or who sings it? Don’t worry – the beauty is that since what you’re looking for are the lyrics to a song, you’ll usually yield a successful search just by entering in any part of the song that you can remember. You’ll have the best results if you can remember a specific line or two and put it in quotes – for example, “I lost my fake ID” and “lyrics” will bring up Katy Perry’s new hit single “Waking Up In Vegas“.

Teen Blips

Q: What if you don’t have a lot of time to go scouring the Internet for news, videos, blogs, and gossip related to teen culture? TeenBlips is the answer to your prayers. It rounds up all the most popular items in the above categories (from the big dogs like MTV to small bloggers) and delivers it to you in one convenient place. In their own words, “With our unique combination of technology and editorial, TeenBlips brings you the hottest stories teens are talking about, removing the hassle of information overload.” I admit that I only recently discovered this site, but I’m so glad I did.

Of course, it’s always a good idea to talk to the young people in your life to see what they, in particular, are interested in—they’ll respect you for admitting what you don’t know, and will appreciate your interest in their culture.

If you have any other great resources I should check out, let me know in the comments below!

The Time Traveler's Wife is in theaters now

Last weekend I went to see the new movie The Time Traveler’s Wife. While I would love to opine on the character and plot development of the film (or lack thereof), I’ll save it for another time and place.

One moment from the film, however, particularly struck me: a scene in which a young Clare (Rachel McAdams) slaps protagonist Henry (Eric Bana) across the cheek. The buff Bana seems hardly phased by the blow, but yet it occurred to me — how would I feel about that scene if the roles were reversed? How does an audience usually react if a man hits a woman: Disgust? Shock? Outrage? Yet we barely bat an eye to see the opposite.

I’ve noticed it in tons of other movies, too. In fact, two just this week. In The Notebook, leading lady Allie (again played by McAdams whom, I swear, I am not trying to pick on, but Oxygen insisted on playing it about 10,000 times this week) hits, slaps, and kicks her boyfriend Noah (Ryan Gosling) when he suggests they break off their relationship, after increasing pressure from Allie’s parents. Noah does his best to block her offensive, but doesn’t hit back.

In Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, a verbal exchange between Hermione and Draco Malfoy ends in her clocking him in the face, after which comes this dialogue:

Vincent Crabbe: Malfoy! Are you okay? Come on, let’s go!
Malfoy: [running away] Quick! Not a word to anyone! Understood?
Hermione: That felt good.
Ron: Not good, brilliant!

I have a hard time believing that if Draco instead had punched Hermione and then declared “that felt good” that parents would be okay with it.

Why is it culturally accepted, in Art and in Life, for women to hit men?

I think two things are at play here.

First, it is generally assumed that women are physically weaker than men (a whole other issue, of course). So, even if she hits him, there’s a further assumption that he won’t actually get hurt. A “no harm, no foul” mentality.

Second, men in are culture are never supposed to express when they are hurt, whether physically or emotionally, and least not at the hands of a woman. So without anyone standing up to say, this really hurts me or bothers me, the behavior is reinforced as okay.

Of course, while a particular woman may be weaker than a man, that doesn’t mean she can’t inflict harm on him. Draco sure looked in pain while shrinking away from Hermione. Whether or not someone is physically hurt, however, doesn’t make it okay. Violence of any kind sets a dangerous precedent.

We teach our daughters the dangers of abusive relationships, but rarely our sons. We may say, “men can be abused, too” but the rest of the culture never, ever supports that notion. The effect is that boys and young men grow up thinking that they cannot complain if ever confronted with an abusive person of the female gender. This makes it harder for them to speak out, and may trap them in uncomfortable, difficult, or dangerous situations.

It’s time to take a stand against this double standard of physical abuse. Sure, movies and other media may continue to show women hitting men (and vice versa) as an unfortunate portrayal of real life. But we truly need to give space for boys and men to voice their right not to be victims. Simple conversations, beginning with the questions below, would be a good start.

• Why do you think guys would be reluctant to admit when they’ve been hurt by a girl?
• How do women and girls reinforce that for boys?
• What can men and women do to change that dynamic?

Man #1 (to cashier): I’ll have a medium skim vanilla latte, please.
Man #2 (to friend, incredulously): Skim latte? Who’s that for, a girl!?
Man #2 (to cashier): Large Americano.

Photo by: the half-blood prince, flickr.com

In less than 10 words Man #2 had managed to gender a beverage, humiliate his friend, and assert his own masculinity. That’s how easy – and powerful – our culture is at creating and enforcing rules for acceptable behavior.

I’ve seen it happen everywhere, and I’m sure you have, too. When was the last time you saw a man order a Cosmopolitan at a bar? I’m guessing never. Have you even been out to dinner with a group of women and all of them order a salad? More times than I can count.

While the specific rules change across geographic, racial, and socio-economic lines, the process is always the same. The rules tell us what we should do, say, wear, eat, drink, and buy to be valued in our community and in the larger culture. If you break those rules, you’re open for ridicule by others. Your peers act as police – they enforce the rules when you break them (e.g.: call you out on it) and impose a punishment (public humiliation). For a guy in mainstream culture, the sharpest punishment is an attack on his masculinity or sexuality, such as calling him “like a girl” or “gay.”

It takes an incredible amount of personal strength and self-assurance to stand up against someone – your boss, your best friend, your wife – and tell them, “No, my preference for a certain coffee drink does not, in fact, have any implication on my gender association or sexual identity, thankyouverymuch.” Or, more succinctly, “Shove it!”

So most of us, even if we disagree with these rules and how they operate, will say nothing. In doing so, not only do we lose our ability to express our true feelings, but we also miss out on the things we’re really interested in, like delicious caramel Frappuccinos®. By conforming to or not challenging these rules, we risk our personal authenticity.

It’s important to note that in mainstream American culture, the rules for men are often much more strict than for women. That is, a woman has greater flexibility to cross gender lines than a man. So, a woman who orders a regular black coffee isn’t likely to be mocked by her girlfriends for doing so.

Now, a lot of you may read this and think one of the following:

1. It’s just teasing. Am I not allowed to joke around with my friends?
2. You are making WAY too big a deal out of this – it’s just coffee.
3. No one ever tells me what I can or can’t do. I’m in control. This doesn’t apply to me.

First, of course we’re allowed to joke around with our friends, and that’s one of the most important qualities of friendship. But we also have to be aware of our actions – conscious of why we say the things we do and how our words are perceived by others. That is, why did Man #2 feel compelled to call out his friend? What influenced his decision? How was Man #1 affected?

Second, each individual incident or rule may arguably be insignificant. But the problem is that none of these act in isolation. Rather, it is the collective power of these rules to control so many of our actions that can be troubling.

Finally, if you think you’re in absolute control of your life, I have a big news flash for you: most of these rules have been so engrained in us our whole lives that at a certain point they become internalized. (This usually happens by the time we’re in high school.) So as a man, no one needs to tell you not to order that frozen strawberry daiquiri at the bar, you just would never do it. It may not even occur to you that you have a choice. For me, this is the ultimate manipulation by the culture.

Now, all of us were brought up in a culture with its own set of rules, and it’s extremely hard to break that cycle — but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. I may never be able to watch television, attend a dinner party, or sit in a coffee shop the same way again. But hey, it’s a small price to pay for your personal authenticity.

We are often asked how Rosalind’s work and the Owning Up Curriculum can be used to address issues of substance abuse, and this song would be a great teaching tool for that — it gets at some core issues of why a teen may choose to drink (or do drugs) and what the implications of those choices are. It’s also great for talking about relationships, boundaries, and issues relating to the Boy World Box.

Because of the content of the song (alcohol and sexual references), I would recommend using this with 8th grade and older. You can check out the lyrics here, and the video is available for download on iTunes.

• What are the characters in the song going to “blame” alcohol for? (Is it different for the guy and the girl?)
• Does this actually release them of responsibility for their actions? Why or why not?
• The next day, how is the girl in the song going to feel about what happened? How is the guy going to feel?
• What is a person’s obligation to communicate his or her boundaries when he or she is intoxicated? What is their partner’s obligation?
• How many specific brand product placements do you notice? What is Jamie Foxx trying to communicate about himself with those things?
• What does this song tell you about what a man should have to be respected?
• What message do you think this song (and the people who made it) is trying to sell you? Does it work?

Parents love to love Taylor because her songs are clean and (as far as we know) she’s a sweet southern girl who doesn’t go out partying and has never sexted her boyfriend.  But just because something isn’t dirty doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be looking at the messages it’s presenting to young people. The very fact that it’s so popular and parent-approved means we need to take a closer look.

Taylor’s newest song (and the top iTunes music video this week) is “You Belong With Me,” which is about a young girl who’s got a crush on her best guy friend. Of course the guy is clueless, and is in a drama-filled relationship with a cheerleader who doesn’t seem to know or understand him at all. The protagonist of the song basically outlines all the reasons why the guy should ditch his girlfriend and should be with her instead.

This song could easily fall into either the “relational” or “oppositional” categories that are taught in Rosalind’s Owning Up Curriculum. Relational works because I bet there are a lot of girls who feel the same way as the girl in song and who helped it get to #1 on the charts. But the song also has an interesting way of comparing the girl friend with the girlfriend that suggests it could be oppositional:

She’s going off about something that you said
‘Cuz she dosent get your humor like I do…
I’m in the room / It’s a typical Tuesday night
I’m listening to the kind of music she dosen’t like
And she’ll never know your story like I do’
…
She wears short skirts / I wear T-shirts
She’s cheer captain / And I’m in the bleachers

It’s important to realize that labeling people as “other” and therefore thinking they’re inferior doesn’t just happen from the “popular” kids toward outsiders; those on the outside can also think of themselves as better by the sheer fact they are not the in-the-box kids. I don’t have an answer about what Taylor is doing here, but I think it would be an interesting discussion with young people.

After checking out the lyrics and video for yourself, here are some questions to jumpstart a discussion about “You Belong With Me”:

• How does the protagonist of the song (the friend) compare herself with the “girlfriend”? (ie: what characteristics does each have?) Why?
• How do you think you’re supposed to feel about each of the characters? Does it work?
• Why would a guy be with a girl who apparently doesn’t know or understand him?
• What might prevent him from being with his friend who seems to connect with him better?
• In the video, what do you think motivates the guy to finally get together with his friend?
• Why does this song appeal to girls?
• If you’re a boy, what do you think about this song? If you’re a girl, what do you think guys think about it?