Rosalind Wiseman is an internationally recognized author and educator on children, teens, parenting, education and social justice. Her work aims to help parents, educators and young people successfully navigate the social challenges of young adulthood.
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Everybody Knows Somebody: National Eating Disorders Awareness Week 2012
I walked into the gym in a dizzy haze. I had just run from my house, down the road, up the road, through the park, and into the gym. I hurriedly raced by the front desk staff, up the stairs, flung open the locker room doors, and went straight to the scale. I bargained with myself along the way, “Please don’t be too high, please don’t be too high.” I made grandiose promises that I never kept (read: if I don’t weigh too much, I promise I’ll eat more.) The number was too high. I stepped on and off the scale like a metronome. The number didn’t budge. I gave up. I couldn’t leave the gym until it was lower.
The next hour went something like this. Run, weigh myself. Run, weigh myself. Run, weigh myself. You get the point. When the room was spinning and the people were blurry, the number was finally in an acceptable range (read: depletion of water, not actual weight loss.) Relieved, I left the locker room and headed to the water fountain.
On the way out, a random stranger said she wished she looked like me. At the water fountain, a guy I know said, “You’re not done, are you?” Dumbfounded, I glared at him. He continued, “You better get back on that treadmill, slacker.” I didn’t get back on the treadmill, but instead of my planned leisurely stroll home, I ran back through the park, down the road, up the road, and through my front door. Although he was kidding, it was almost paralyzing to think someone thought of me as a “slacker.” I had to prove him wrong.
Although that incident was years ago, I clearly remember that day because it was my birthday. In order to be able to celebrate my birthday, which always involved an anxiety-provoking food based gathering that was never worth it, the number on the scale had to grant me permission. That number determined the quality of each day and was the only measure of my self-worth for far too long.
February 26th – March 3rd is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week (NEDAW) and this year’s theme is “Everybody Knows Somebody.” I chose to share that particular story because the people at the gym had no idea what I was going through. They also didn’t know their words completely fueled my anorexia. Many people made ridiculously asinine comments to me that were not out of haste, but sheer ignorance. At my absolute sickest, I was constantly complimented. Looking at pictures from those days makes me shudder. I am one of the few fortunate ones that struggled with an eating disorder for that long and can say “those days.”
Eating disorders don’t know race, class, age, gender or size. They affect millions of people and statistically speaking, you probably know someone who is suffering. It’s the person at the gym that works out just a little bit harder than everyone else. It’s your neighbor who is always on a crazy diet and talks about how fat she is to anyone who will listen. It’s the man who is obsessed with running and becomes anxious and intolerable if he can’t fit a workout in. It’s your daughter’s friend who silently slips away from the lunch table everyday to find an empty bathroom to purge in. It’s the boy on the wrestling team that runs for hours in multiple layers of clothing to make weight. Or, it’s the last person you would ever suspect.
Many people remain clueless about eating disorders and are plagued with misinformation due to our toxic culture that bombards men, women, boys, and girls with a steady flow of messages that say, “you’re not good enough.” Children are taught from a heartbreakingly young age to hate their bodies. Our society breeds, perpetuates, and normalizes eating disorders on an astounding level. Nobody is immune. It’s not OK.
This is the third year in a row I have shared a piece of my journey for NEDAW. It’s not easy to write about, talk about, and honestly, sharing any part of it gives me a week long anxiety buzz. However, it’s worth it. In order to reduce the prevalence of eating disorders, there has to be a heightened level of awareness. Many families live in denial, educators aren’t trained, and I can’t tell you how many completely clueless doctors there are. Again, not OK.
I recovered backwards; I talked the talk before I walked the walk. I lived in a comfortable state of denial for over a decade and the road to recovery wasn’t easy. It took a lot of treatment that didn’t work until I allowed it too. I had no concept of “normal” and had become a master manipulator when it came to food or exercise. I finally realized that in order to disrupt “my” normalcy, I had to get out of my environment. I relearned how to live at The Renfrew Center, a treatment facility for eating disorders. During that time, anger and advocacy helped me tremendously.
We have to fight back. We have to find and use our voices. The power to evoke change truly has strength in numbers. If you’ve struggled with an eating disorder, share your story. Educate others to help others. If you are concerned about somebody you think may have one, you owe it to him or her to educate yourself and talk about it. It’s always difficult. There will never be a “perfect” time. You may stumble on your words and it may all come out wrong. But say it anyway. And say it again, and again (we deny everything, trust me.) You never know, it could save their life.
For more information about eating disorders, please visit The National Eating Disorders Association
Julia V. Taylor
Below are the links to my previous EDAW blogs:
2010 – “It’s Time to Talk About It”
2011 – “How Talking the Talk Helped me Walk the Walk”
7 Responses to “Everybody Knows Somebody: National Eating Disorders Awareness Week 2012”
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March 6th, 2012 at 6:21 pm
Thank you to all for taking the time to comment and share your thoughts. The commonality between everyone’s words truly is “Everybody Knows Somebody.” I spoke twice during NEDAW and my inbox was flooded with messages similar to yours. I went also attended a screening of “Miss Representation” (a must see documentary about how women and girls are objectified in the media) at UNC and was floored by current ED statistics. They have skyrocketed and I don’t think the rise in media consumption amongst people of all ages is a mere coincidence. We have a fortuitous opportunity to speak up and collectively use our voices to shape the next generation of youth. I thank you all for stepping up to the challenge!
JVT
March 5th, 2012 at 6:11 am
Thank you for sharing, Julia. Your words are powerful, as is the way you live your life. Thank you for your honesty and courage. Over the years as a school counselor, as well as just being a human, I have known many with body image issues and/or eating disorders. The one that affected me the most was a friend back in high school. Helping my friend and her family come to terms and seek help was a defining time for me. In fact, it was one of the catalysts for my becoming a counselor. We all do know someone, or lots of someones, who face this difficulty every day. My friend found comfort and coping through art. I wish I still had some of her pictures because they were some of the most profound images that could tell her whole story with one glance. As her friend, I had to find my own way to cope, and I found it through music and songwriting. Below are the lyrics to a song a wrote all those years ago about the helplessness I felt at the time. Thank you again, Julia.
Chin up don’t cry
You thought this would make you free
Put on a mask of control and rebellion
Hiding a girl afraid to succeed
Everyone wants to be
Beautiful to somebody
And that’s what you thought you’d achieve
But you were always beautiful to me
Let me take away
Your fears and false perceptions
Even though I am not strong
Take my hand and we’ll try
To find peace
Gain attention with life worn thin
You tell yourself you’re crazy
Lay in the sun to hide pale skin
‘Cause joy is so arbitrary
Everyone wants to be
Beautiful to somebody
And that’s what you thought you’d achieve
But you were always beautiful to me
Let me take away
Your fears and false perceptions
Even though I am not strong
Take my hand and we’ll try
To find peace
February 22nd, 2012 at 7:34 am
Julia,
I too am a school counselor and someone in recovery (I also received a ton of my treatment at Renfrew)… I think it is so important that we share our stories from the other side, as I have lost too many friends to this disorder, and seen a whole new generation of students and friends struggling with various eating disorders and major body image issues. I just wanted to give you kudos for the work that you are doing, in both the eating disorder and school counseling worlds. Also, I understand the anxiety buzz, I have a series of blog posts coming up next week, and three speaking engagements- eeeek. But it’s important work, so I’ll sit with the discomfort and know that if my words help or bring hope to one person, I’ve done my job.
February 21st, 2012 at 9:44 am
What an important post. You underscore something I came to believe passionately during my work with young girls: It is incredibly dangerous to comment on other people’s appearances. You never know what they are going through or whether you might inadvertently fuel a terrible fire.
And yet, people comment on girls’ appearances every day, sending the message that their self-worth is inextricably bound with their physiques.
Thank you so much, Julia, for sharing your history.
February 16th, 2012 at 5:14 pm
Julia,
Thank you for continuing to share your story and break open the doors open on a disease that can feel very frightening, lonely & confusing for those who suffer. Also for those who want so badly to help family & friends and support them, but may be handicapped by the fear that something they say might trigger a sufferer to feel even worse about themselves. The most important take away, as individuals we have to learn to love ourselves, to be okay with “fitting out” in a society that fuels us to be perfect in some way, shape, form. Continue this wonderful work!
February 16th, 2012 at 10:44 am
Julia,
Thank you for sharing your personal story with ED and bringing attention to NEDAW. I hope you continue writing, speaking, blogging, and educating our society about eating disorders, because you are helping to make a difference! Thank you for encouraging readers to talk about eating disorders if they are concerned that someone they love and care about may have one–it’s such a difficult topic to bring up and discuss with people, particularly because our society has embraced a culture that applauds and encourages people to be “thin” and not necessarily “healthy”. It’s important that we learn how to step outside our own comfort zone in order to help someone who may need it. typer
February 15th, 2012 at 5:14 pm
This piece speaks to the immense power of words on people (particularly young people) who are quite literally dying for, or in some cases because of, hastily given feedback. If you’re asking yourself “have I ever contributed to someone else’s disordered eating,” odds are better than good that you have. In the vast majority of cases, it’s not intentional. I guarantee that I fall into this category. I didn’t INTEND to do harm, but the IMPACT of my words may have been destructive. Ms. Taylor’s piece is a reminder to think before I speak, to question whether my feedback is needed/welcomed, and to remember that the impact is more important than my intent. You never know what’s going on for that person and how your words can be fuel, or conversely, a wet blanket to someone who is struggling to add pounds, live a healthier life, or “walk the walk”. Thank you for sharing your story and for the powerful reminder, JVT.