Rosalind Wiseman is an internationally recognized author and educator on children, teens, parenting, education and social justice. Her work aims to help parents, educators and young people successfully navigate the social challenges of young adulthood.
Rosalind Wiseman
creating cultures of dignity
Public Displays of Affection – A Teachable Moment
I went to Starbucks to wrap up some work and celebrate their first day of offering free Wi-Fi (thank you, thank you, thank you) when I encountered a “situation” of sorts. There were two teenage girls sitting very closely, holding hands, and kissing in a small crowded space. I sat down with my back to them so I had couldn’t see what they were doing, but I could tell by the stares, smirks, and whispers from the patrons that the PDA continued. A group of ladies got up to leave and we made eye contact, which apparently was an invitation to talk to me and make a completely unnecessary homophobic remark.
I replied with, “Would you be as offended if they were straight?”
I didn’t get a straight answer, just a snarky comment. Another couple got up to leave and went to the manager. I am assuming they complained because in a matter of seconds another employee walked out to “clean” tables. He went back, exchanged words with other employees, laughter erupted, but nothing happened.
I am not comfortable with excessive amounts of PDA, period, but this left me wondering if the same remarks, stares, and whispers would have happened if it were a male/female couple? Sadly, I think not. Unfortunately, these situations are what gay teenagers face everyday and it breaks my heart. I invite you to ponder the following questions:
How would you have reacted in this situation?
What if the couple were adults?
If you were with a child, would you have a discussion about it? What about a teenager?
Would you have left?
Would you be inclined to talk to management or to other people in the establishment?
And lastly, would it have mattered if it were a male/female couple? Why or why not?
If you’d like some activism resources, my two favorites are Think Before You Speak and GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network.) And please check out this video made by one of my all-star students, Ashley Cole. It’s pretty amazing.
PS – it’s never OK make derogatory racist, classist, sexist, ageist, or homophobic comments to anyone, let alone a perfect stranger.
If you liked this, you might also like…
Rosalind’s Inbox: Is 13 too young to come out?
Rosalind’s Inbox: My Crush wont break up with His Boyfriend!
Family Circle, Ask Rosalind, February 2010
Perez Hilton: You Don’t Get a Pass Just Because You’re Gay
3 Responses to “Public Displays of Affection – A Teachable Moment”
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July 15th, 2010 at 2:40 pm
Angel:
Thanks for the comments. Luckily they were not verbally harassed and they seemed to not be paying attention to the stares and snide remarks. Had the manager actually confronted them, I definitely would have stood up for them. It wasn’t “get a room” PDA or anything to warrent a manager talking to them about. I was very disappointed by the laughter and am glad they didn’t see it. I haven’t been back to the Starbucks since the incident and probably won’t return to that location.
And I am happy that Rosalind’s “Queen Bee’s” has helped you with your daughter. I ran a middle school parent coffee club with her book and got the same reaction from all the parents!
Julia
Sandy:
Thank you for your comment as well. It’s just the right thing to do. And if doing the right thing doesn’t entice everyone, I’d like for them to pretend John Quinones is going to jump out of nowhere with a video camera for ABC Primetime’s “What Would you Do?”
Julia
July 15th, 2010 at 12:03 pm
Julia, thank you so much for showing how little moments like this escape us all the time without confrontation, but it’s important to mirror to people how their little digs and snarky words create a culture of unacceptance. This is an important post because of the nuace you show.
July 9th, 2010 at 3:12 am
I would have stood up for the couple as you did. I might have even given them a small smile or nod, just a little “thumbs up” (tho I would hope that wouldn’t insult them either.)
My kids (15 and
are well informed about GLBT issues and their rights (or what rights they should have). In fact, I’m bisexual–just figured it out a few years ago and have been married for almost 18years.
If they were harrassed I would speak to management or supported them. And it wouldn’t matter if it was a straight couple, adults, etc. The world needs more love and affection
EVERYONE deserves rights regardless of race/age/religion/sexual orientation/etc.
YOU totally rock. I think your Queen Bees book helped me and my daughter through her middle school years so much–she’s in a great high school and is a strong empowered young woman.
xoxo