Rosalind Wiseman

I am traveling to Boston later this week to speak at the American School Counselor Association (ASCA) National Conference.  My presentation, Growing Up Girl, will hopefully inspire those in attendance to ask me several questions.  But one question I’m frequently asked can really challenge me:

“Are you a Mom?”

I get asked this constantly: when I am presenting (especially to parents), at my school, at the gym, and pretty much anytime I tell someone who doesn’t know me what I do outside of my school counselor “day job.”  Sometimes the question is out of curiosity, but when it is punctuated with “one day you’ll understand,” I hear an implication that I have no idea what it is like. And in some ways I don’t. But in other, bigger ways, I do.

I’m not a parent, but:

• I don’t pretend to be.
• I don’t need to have my own children to understand the world of teenagers.
• I have a caseload of almost 475 high school students
• Sometimes your kids will tell me more than they will tell you (this is OK and completely normal.) and they may deny they’ve told me anything.
• I like teens, but I know that they are capable of doing everything you raised them not to do (it doesn’t mean they will…)
• I also know that this is usually age appropriate experimentation and has little to do with how they’ve been parented.
• I see a lot of Moms enabling age appropriate mistakes and missing important life lessons, mostly because they are afraid of being judged by other parents.
• My sister and I were raised [well] by a single mother, so I have extra compassion for single parents who juggle work, parenting, and maintaining their sanity.  I have no idea how my mother did it!
• I understand that parents want what is best for their child and will do whatever it takes to protect them.  I want those same things for my students.
• Lastly, sometimes at night I pour myself a giant glass of wine, turn on Bravo, and am thankful that I can. I give you all a lot of credit for the amazing work you do.

With that said, the next time you want to ask an educator “the question” for any reason other than sheer curiosity or small talk, think about your reasoning; and don’t hold it against them if they aren’t.  It truly does take a village; let’s work together.

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