Rosalind Wiseman

Extravagant dresses. Anxiety. Salon perfect hair. Limos. Flawless makeup. Competition. Glitz. Glamour. Joy. Tuxedo. Five course dinner. Tears. Ridiculous Stretch Hummers. Envy. Gut wrenching anticipation. Boutonniere. Corsage. Photos. King. Queen. Innocent love. If you haven’t figured it out, I am writing about the prom.  Love it or loath it, prom is a century old tradition that has morphed from an innocent “Sunday best” after school dance, to a Saturday night high school gym social, to (what I’d argue) a dress rehearsal for a wedding – complete with the hotel ballroom.

The pinnacle of the 21^st century high school experience, prom is on the forefront of most upperclassmen’s minds this time of year.  Generally speaking, most prom nights are not the sensationalized Lifetime movie or After School Special in which the prom king and queen get drunk, have sex, and die in a tragic accident.  However, like every other day of the year, possibilities are lurking.  Car accidents are the leading cause of death among teens, and alcohol related crashes account for approximately 25 percent of those deaths.  That is 25 percent too many.  In addition, alcohol and drug use is linked to other risky behaviors such as drowning, violence, falls, unsafe sexual behavior, and other unintentional injuries. As the old adage goes, “It’s better to be safe than sorry.”

What is a parent to do besides pace back and forth, desperately wanting to call, text, or most embarrassingly, drop in on the prom?  Talk, talk, and talk to your child.

Not all kids drink, do drugs, and have casual sex on prom night. Hopefully you have already had a conversation with your child about the aforementioned behaviors. Here are my suggestions to help make your teen’s special night a safe one.

1. Discuss your own set of rules and consequences for violating the rules before the night of the prom.
2. Please don’t rent a hotel room for your teen.  If I need to explain why this is absolutely inappropriate, please email me.
3. Don’t let teens drink at your house because “you know they are safe.”  It’s unethical, irresponsible, and by the way, illegal.
4. Be their plan B. I continue to be shocked at the vast amount of teens who would rather potentially risk their life than call their parents for help. Explain to your teen that if they are in an unsafe situation –  even if every set of rules/morals/values that you have tirelessly instilled in them have been broken – that they can still call you. Well beforehand, explain that, while there might be consequences for their behavior, you will pick them up, thank them for calling you, and talk about it the next day.
5. Establish an agreed upon hour for when your teen should be home, and you stay up until they get there.  Exceptions: they are at the home of another trusted adult with supervision, and you talk to that adult when they arrive safely.
6. Lock your liquor cabinet and keep track of your alcohol months in advance.   This is something I believe parents of teens should always do, not just for prom.
7. Don’t assume your teenager won’t be involved in an unsafe situation. As I have stated many times before, your child is capable of doing everything you never thought they would.
8. Make sure your teen has a safe ride. In fact, most injury and death related prom night accidents are due to speed and irresponsible driving, not because of alcohol. I favor limos and other modes of safe transportation. If your child has a rented driver, get his number and make sure he has a no alcohol policy.
9. If your teen arrives home upset, early, or in a horrific mood, gently ask if he wants to talk about it.  If he does, empathize.  Try to refrain from “I told you so” or worse, “What were you thinking?!”  There is surmounting stress and high expectations for prom being a fairy tale evening.  The let down is sometimes hard and a lot can go array on prom night.  Try to remember what it was like for you.  Ask your teen, “Do you want my advice, or do you just want me to listen?”
10. Lastly, enjoy and embrace this moment. Don’t make unnecessary remarks about their friends, their attire, makeup, date, or anything else that is a losing battle.  Try not to pick or nag on the big day when the tension is high.  Just take a deep breath and tell them how happy you are!

Most teens will remember their prom for many years to come.  It will most likely be an enjoyable evening of dancing, laughing, celebration, and lasting memories.   Help them to make it a safe one.