Rosalind Wiseman

More women suffer from anorexia and bulimia than breast cancer. Eating disorders (ED’s) affect women, men, and children of all races and ages and have the highest mortality rate of any other mental illness.

The beginning of the end

From a very young age my father criticized every woman who was not model thin. From their weight, to their clothes, to their restaurant meal choice, nothing was off limits. I recall his comments and disgust with uncanny clarity. My mother made disparaging remarks about herself and never seemed to be satisfied with how she looked.

While they meant no ill will, I grew hypersensitive to what I imagined other people thought of me. In elementary school I spent hours in front of the mirror, picking out my “flaws,” thinking if they were gone everything bad would go away.  In middle school I developed quirky eating habits.  In high school I had to wear a bikini in front of the whole school for a fashion show.

Needless to say, that moment was the true beginning of the end. I spent over half of my life starving, running, hiding, analyzing, worrying, counting, weighing, wanting, and hoping.

Halfway through college I realized that I needed help. What I thought I had control over had completely taken over my existence. However, I was not ready to give it up and was so far gone I didn’t quite see the point. I had no idea who I was without my ED. I began treatment, but was still holding on tightly to my ED and in denial about the seriousness of my problem.

Our society is masterful at normalizing the pursuit of thinness.

We equate thinness with happiness, which couldn’t be further from reality.

I couldn’t concentrate or think about anything other than what I would or wouldn’t eat, or when I could run it off. My ambition for absolute perfection was on overdrive. But it was a road to nowhere.

Needless to say, at this point treatment didn’t help because I was not ready. Therapy, nutritionists, doctors – it was all a game and laughable at the time because I thought I was winning. So I quit.

The end of the beginning

I graduated from college and decided to pursue a Masters Degree in School Counseling. I loved everything about the field and excelled in a way I never had before. I began speaking at conferences, writing, and for the first time I felt like I was good at something besides being thin.

One day a graduate school professor sat me down, and told me her “story.” She said if I didn’t take the appropriate steps to really recover that I wouldn’t be allowed to continue in the program. That was the end of the beginning.

I used to go to bed each night promising myself “I’ll do better tomorrow.” I had done this for years and could easily convince myself it would work. Tomorrow never came. I finally went to The Renfrew Center after I was kicked out of another treatment center for refusing to gain weight.

Being asked to leave the first program was my “ahh haa – I am really sick” moment. Admitting I needed help and walking into a full –fledged, hardcore ED treatment center as an adult was the hardest decision I have ever made. This time it worked, not only because I wanted it to, but I needed it to. I was at a rock bottom point and was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I didn’t want to drop dead and was finally ready to begin the life I never thought I deserved.

You will never hear me say, “I wasted my life” because I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. It has definitely been a long road. For the past few years I’ve had to literally relearn how to live.

The media, society, and general ignorance aren’t exactly conducive to recovering from an ED.

But to this day, the better I feel, the more I realize how trapped I was. Life isn’t dichotomous and is so much easier.

I normally don’t share my story, but am certainly not ashamed of it. I wouldn’t be where I am if my journey had been different. I am grateful that I have been afforded the opportunity to use my struggles to benefit others. I use both my professional and personal knowledge to try to instill glimpses of hope, education, and feelings of self-worth in my students and audiences when I speak. Too many people suffer in silence and don’t have to.

Although it outwardly doesn’t seem possible, in reality we do have the power to change the culture. It starts with you. I have been a school counselor for six years and have published three curricula and a children’s book. It’s empowering to know that everyday I make a difference (or at least I try.) On my last day at Renfrew I read the draft of my children’s book, Perfectly You. I told the group I would publish it when I believed every word that I was asking of my little readers. And I did.

Here are a few ways you can begin to help. Whether you are a parent, educator, teen, or a random reader, you can make a difference – I promise.

1. Eliminate “Fat Talk.” Just do it.
2. Talk to your kids and/or students about the media and society’s unrealistic standards.
3. Compliment your children/students/partner/friends for things other than looks.
4. Don’t diet. The dieting industry is a multibillion industry with a 99% failure rate. Would you let a heart surgeon operate on you if they have killed 99% of their patients? I think not.
5. Not everyone with an eating disorder is the stereotypical emaciated white “girl” you see on talk shows. In fact, the majority of people suffering don’t “look” like anything is wrong. Men, Hispanics, African-American’s, Asians, homosexuals, Mom’s, Dad’s, Coaches, CEOs, personal trainers, doctors, counselors, and even your local Starbuck’s barista. Nobody is immune. Know the signs and symptoms of ED’s and don’t be afraid to reach out.
6. I cannot stand it when I hear someone say, “but he/she eats.” Of course they do. If they didn’t they would be dead within weeks. ED’s are about so much more than food. Don’t ever tell someone with an eating disorder to “just eat” and don’t assume someone does not have a problem.
7. If you work in a school educate yourself. If you are worried about a student, talk to the school counselor and/or voice your concern the parent/s. Always follow up.
8. Put the focus back on health. I do realize that obesity is an epidemic and weight loss is necessary for some – but again, it’s about achieving and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. There isn’t a means to an end when it comes to health.
9. If you or someone you know has a diagnosable eating disorder, get help. Find a therapist who specializes in eating disorders. I have heard countless stories about ridiculous things that therapist and doctors have said that were not only unhelpful, but also extremely triggering. Some cultures scoff at treatment, but it is important and absolutely necessary. The sooner the better. Trust me.
10. From time to time my friends and family tell me now how afraid they were. My response is always “Why didn’t you say anything? They were all was afraid of my reaction. I think that statement precisely sums up NEDA’s theme of “It’s Time to Talk about It.” Would it have mattered to me if they voiced their concern? We will never know. So my last tip – TALK ABOUT IT!

Lastly, here are my favorite resources – check them out.

• The National Eating Disorders Association Website
• Dove Campaign for Real Beauty Website
• Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters by Courtney E. Martin
• A Very Hungry Girl by Jess Weiner
• Conquering Eating Disorders: How Family Communication Heals by Susan Cooper and Peggy Norton
• Not All Black Girls Know How To Eat: A Story of Bulimia (AMAZING memoir) by Stephanie Covington Armstrong
• You’d be So Pretty If…by Dara Chadwick

The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.

~Nathaniel Branden