Why We’ve Turned on Heidi Montag



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By Rosalind Wiseman • January 26th, 2010

(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

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Two weeks ago I was standing in line at the grocery store when I first saw Heidi Montag’s People Magazine cover declaring that she’d just had ten plastic surgeries in one day. I admit I only have cursory knowledge of Montag–I knew she was a cast member on The Hills, that she’d recently gotten married, and that she seems to capitalize on even the smallest of opportunities to thrust herself into the spotlight. But as I stared at the cover of the magazine my stomach dropped for her.

Later, I watched her GMA interview where she debuted her new face and limited emotional range, and puzzlingly offered that she believes real beauty is on the inside. Finally, I read that she had spent $2 million to produce her debut album, Superficial, that at the time of the writing had been downloaded less than 1000 times.

Somehow, in Heidi’s misguided attempts to create her “best self” she has instead set herself up to be ridiculed and dismissed. Heidi Montag has become the girl who is obviously trying too hard. She is the girl in my classes who will do anything to be liked–change her personality, her looks–anything to get people to like her, to believe she is beautiful. It never works.

In my curriculum and teacher trainings I often talk about the “Tyanny of Pleasing”, where someone is so focused on pleasing other people that they completely lose the value of their personal authenticity. As I have watched people struggle with this in their lives, I have always thought the worst part of it is that pleasers don’t understand one crucial thing: the more they please, they assume they more liked they will be. That’s not the case. In fact, it’s almost always the opposite. And so we ridicule the pleaser’s desperation and we turn away from them. Why? Because it’s so much easier to dismiss the pleaser as trying too hard than look at how we all, in different ways, get caught up in wanting to please and fit in.

Heidi thought she would finally get people to like her if she changed her chin or pinned her ears back and increased the size of her breasts again. She didn’t realize that what’s criticized far more than a less-than-perfect physical attribute is the personality flaw of being too obvious in your attempts to be what you think everyone wants.

In her interviews Heidi rationalized that these new changes will increase her self esteem, and that in the end it’s her body and it’s her business. But unfortunately, self esteem never works that way. The more you change yourself to fit an elusive, ever-changing standard, the more insecure you feel. The more vulnerable you are to self-doubt, narcissism, and confusion—because you aren’t getting the kind of attention and acceptance you sacrificed so much for.

Rather than continuing to sling insults at Montag’s transformation, I hope we can all be more aware of how getting caught up in the “shoulds” that our culture throws at us is a dangerous cycle. (“I should be a size 4″, “My ears should not stick out so far”, “I should be carrying the most expensive handbag”…) The relentless pursuit of perfection always has an ugly side.

A Rundown of Heidi’s First Plastic Surgery in 2007

Tagged as: Body Image, Girl World, In the News, Media Literacy, Pop Culture, Television

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5 Responses to “Why We’ve Turned on Heidi Montag”

5
Dara Chadwick Says:
February 5th, 2010 at 4:31 pm
Great post, Rosalind, and definitely food for thought.

It’s so easy to bash celebrities and I’m certainly not excusing their role in the choices they make. They’re usually well paid and have many perks most of us can only dream of. But I think it’s very, very difficult for us “average” folks to understand the level of pressure these celebrities are under sometimes, not only to maintain a certain look, but also to find new ways to grab the spotlight. The world is full of competing influences for attention and I can’t imagine what it’s like to have to sink to a personal low or step away from who you are just so that people will pay attention to you or your latest project.

I feel for her. I really do. I hope she finds the happiness she seeks.
4
Rachel Simmons Says:
January 28th, 2010 at 7:02 pm
Great post. So true about how we get distracted from our own behaviors around pleasing. Someone like Heidi Montag perversely can make us feel better about ourselves. But she is just an extreme example of something we all struggle with. I also think our role is to consider how much we support a culture in which women try so hard to please….we buy the magazines, watch The Hills, etc.
3
Solange Morgan Says:
January 26th, 2010 at 3:10 pm
Rosalind,

Thank you for highlighting this story.

I do agree that she has self esteem problems; however, I also believe that this is just another ploy in her path to try and achieve fame. She does these outrageous things so that she can be talked about and her ridiculous, misogynistic husband is the same way. It is like they are shock jocks on a radio station- they say and do all these crazy things for attention and hype (Rush Limbaugh for example) but behind closed doors they may not actually be that way. Now, I am not saying that Heidi and Spencer are “normal” behind closed doors, but I have a hard time believing that they are actually as ridiculous as they might seem.

Take Jessica Simpson for example. You KNOW that girl is smarter than she acts. The whole “chicken of the sea” incident was a bit to make her look stupid, so that she would be talked about! If all celebrities were “normal” no one would care how they looked or acted. They go above and beyond to make themselves stand out no matter how dumb they might look.
2
Eileen Says:
January 26th, 2010 at 1:38 pm
Thank you for posting this, Rosalind. It’s very eye-opening when a lean, beautiful blonde such as Heidi has self-esteem and body issues…and somewhat surprising, as well. For myself, it’s been easy to assume that if a woman is as beautifully put together as Heidi is, that she obviously must be happy with herself and her body. She is someone who should be held up as an example of how we need to be comfortable with ourselves, no matter what the world says about beauty.

And your point about pleasers is well taken. It’s very dangerous to keep giving in to others, and ultimately give up being oneself.
1
Gail Says:
January 26th, 2010 at 1:31 pm
I remember Heidi a few years ago when she just made her debut on the Hills. She was young, pretty, and had an authentic and interesting look with dirty blond hair. She seemed to have a lot more confidence then.

But she has let Hollywood, and her relationships gobble her up. I remember reading a quote a few years back from her then boyfriend (now husband) Spencer saying he met the perfect girl but the only problem was he was a “boobs guy’ and how could he date someone so flat chested? A little while later, Heidi got breast augmentation, and fixed her nose while she was at it.

Since this time, I have watched her hair get blonder and blonder and her lips get plumper. And then most recently the 10 plastic surgeries in one day. If you look at her before and after photos it is actually staggering. She has transformed from a cute girl, with an interesting look and style all her own, to someone unrecognizable and somehow plastic-looking.

So when I see the “new” Heidi part of me just wants to cry for her. That she couldn’t love and embrace the person she was. She felt so insecure, as Rosalind mentions, so determined to please that she turned herself into someone else who she thought was better. She was great before, but didn’t have the confidence to know that.

As a mother of two girls, I find Heidi’s story disturbing. We need to bolster our girls against ridiculous models of beauty, and self-loathing. We need to teach them self-love and self-respect. I hope Heidi can be at peace, soon, with who she is. There is a wonderful, smart, beautiful girl there inside and out.