Comments on: Dear Parents: Some Honest Advice for Interacting with Your Child’s School http://rosalindwiseman.com/2009/08/31/dear-parent-advice/ creating cultures of dignity Sun, 25 Jul 2010 22:30:44 -0400 hourly 1 By: Parent http://rosalindwiseman.com/2009/08/31/dear-parent-advice/comment-page-1/#comment-2048 Parent Tue, 04 May 2010 18:00:57 +0000 http://rosalindwiseman.com/?p=3127#comment-2048 Thanks for your response....in any field we have the top people who go beyond the requirements to make it work, we have a large number in the middle who do just the requirements and no more and we have the bottom end who don't even do that. It's the same in the school system but because of strong unions and a "no fail" approach to the staff and the secrecy I believe the lower end might even be more inflated. It's human nature. If your job was on the line it would bring different results but in the school system that is not the case. What we saw in South Hadley is not an isolated insident and the only reason some details have become public is because the DA became involved. In the beginning the letter sent out by the principal saying some good things was meant to be the end of it, the students were not even punished until the DA came out with her findings and if you look at this school from the teachers to the principal to the superintendent to the Board committee - their realationship is too cozy, no one is in charge. Although the principals story changed many times and the superintendent's story changed many times over the course of events - it seems to have made no difference. No one is asking for answers and no one is giving any, the principal became mute immediately as he is the one who could answer, the superintendent has been made out to be a hero working under difficult conditions and all still have their jobs. It has been stated that the stats are on any given day - 160,000 students are absent from school because of bullying and fear so South Hadley isn't alone but their total lack of action and compasion and professionalism is shocking. They did a secret investigation on themselves and they were as clean as a whistle, couldn't have done any more. Nothing is open to the public, nothing can be seen or heard except by the inside circle. The new law is a good start but definitely does not go far enough, their are no consequences if the principals of the schools do not follow it and even a child soon learns that with no consequences he can just do as he likes.....same here. This insident now seems to be in the final stage of "damage control" and rumors about the victim are being spread all over town and I have seen exactly that happen before in a similar case. There are many, many problems with the way schools are run today and it needs to change immediately. Thanks for your response….in any field we have the top people who go beyond the requirements to make it work, we have a large number in the middle who do just the requirements and no more and we have the bottom end who don’t even do that. It’s the same in the school system but because of strong unions and a “no fail” approach to the staff and the secrecy I believe the lower end might even be more inflated. It’s human nature. If your job was on the line it would bring different results but in the school system that is not the case. What we saw in South Hadley is not an isolated insident and the only reason some details have become public is because the DA became involved. In the beginning the letter sent out by the principal saying some good things was meant to be the end of it, the students were not even punished until the DA came out with her findings and if you look at this school from the teachers to the principal to the superintendent to the Board committee – their realationship is too cozy, no one is in charge. Although the principals story changed many times and the superintendent’s story changed many times over the course of events – it seems to have made no difference. No one is asking for answers and no one is giving any, the principal became mute immediately as he is the one who could answer, the superintendent has been made out to be a hero working under difficult conditions and all still have their jobs. It has been stated that the stats are on any given day – 160,000 students are absent from school because of bullying and fear so South Hadley isn’t alone but their total lack of action and compasion and professionalism is shocking. They did a secret investigation on themselves and they were as clean as a whistle, couldn’t have done any more. Nothing is open to the public, nothing can be seen or heard except by the inside circle. The new law is a good start but definitely does not go far enough, their are no consequences if the principals of the schools do not follow it and even a child soon learns that with no consequences he can just do as he likes…..same here. This insident now seems to be in the final stage of “damage control” and rumors about the victim are being spread all over town and I have seen exactly that happen before in a similar case. There are many, many problems with the way schools are run today and it needs to change immediately.

]]> By: Julia V. Taylor http://rosalindwiseman.com/2009/08/31/dear-parent-advice/comment-page-1/#comment-2017 Julia V. Taylor Mon, 03 May 2010 20:39:38 +0000 http://rosalindwiseman.com/?p=3127#comment-2017 Amanda: Thank you for your response. I too enjoy working with parents and appreciate your feedback. Dawn: Thanks! I hope you have had a great year thus far! Mary: Thank you for your feedback! Vera: Thanks for commenting. I hear you and hope that you have received better response times this year! Parent #1: Thank you for your response. It seems like you have had a not so great experience with your school. Note I said “most” educators truly love what they do. I know there are some out there that don’t and it is most definitely unfortunate. I have worked in many different schools and never seen some of the situations you mentioned. One of our assistant principals constantly says, “Do what is best for the kids.” And we do. Jayne, I appreciate you taking the time to comment and I apologize if my “quips” have offended you; my intent was to be lighthearted. Please don’t interpret my nickname joke as something that is routinely practiced in schools. I am not referring to anything “serious.” You are correct, there are a lot of wonderful teachers and faculty members, I have had the pleasure of working with a lot of them. I certainly don’t have an answer to why educators may not participate in after school events such as sports, concerts, conferences, etc. I do know that each time I attend an event I have never had trouble finding a colleague to sit with. The county I work for truly advocates for students and promotes school counselors being constantly available and visible. Leigh Anne: Yikes! I can’t imagine working in a situation like the one you have described. If you have read any of my other blogs, you will see I don’t see the parents as enemies who don’t get our world. In fact, one of my favorite parts of my job is working with parents. I would never, nor do I know any school counselor, who would purposefully ignore a student under distress. To start, school counselors have legal and ethical guidelines that clearly prohibit us from doing so, not to mention the fact that I don’t know why any educator would do such a thing. And thank you for the volunteer work you do, we love our parent volunteers and they make such a huge difference! Parent #2: When a child is being bullied, in distress, or doesn’t feel safe at school, something needs to be immediately done. Believe me, the aforementioned tragic events have registered with school officials and when I wrote this blog I was in no way, shape, or form referring to anything that would even remotely require due attention. I have talked to numerous school counselors across the country about the recent (and long overdue) attention given to bullying policies and procedures. Where I work we take incident very seriously and always intervene. Last week our very large school system spent a large chunk of time at the principals meeting discussing bullying policies and procedures, which every state and school district should have. I encourage you to find someone at the school that you can connect with who won’t dismiss an issue that requires immediate attention. Amanda:
Thank you for your response. I too enjoy working with parents and appreciate your feedback.

Dawn:
Thanks! I hope you have had a great year thus far!

Mary:
Thank you for your feedback!

Vera:
Thanks for commenting. I hear you and hope that you have received better response times this year!

Parent #1:
Thank you for your response. It seems like you have had a not so great experience with your school. Note I said “most” educators truly love what they do. I know there are some out there that don’t and it is most definitely unfortunate. I have worked in many different schools and never seen some of the situations you mentioned. One of our assistant principals constantly says, “Do what is best for the kids.” And we do.

Jayne,
I appreciate you taking the time to comment and I apologize if my “quips” have offended you; my intent was to be lighthearted. Please don’t interpret my nickname joke as something that is routinely practiced in schools. I am not referring to anything “serious.” You are correct, there are a lot of wonderful teachers and faculty members, I have had the pleasure of working with a lot of them. I certainly don’t have an answer to why educators may not participate in after school events such as sports, concerts, conferences, etc. I do know that each time I attend an event I have never had trouble finding a colleague to sit with. The county I work for truly advocates for students and promotes school counselors being constantly available and visible.

Leigh Anne:
Yikes! I can’t imagine working in a situation like the one you have described. If you have read any of my other blogs, you will see I don’t see the parents as enemies who don’t get our world. In fact, one of my favorite parts of my job is working with parents. I would never, nor do I know any school counselor, who would purposefully ignore a student under distress. To start, school counselors have legal and ethical guidelines that clearly prohibit us from doing so, not to mention the fact that I don’t know why any educator would do such a thing. And thank you for the volunteer work you do, we love our parent volunteers and they make such a huge difference!

Parent #2:
When a child is being bullied, in distress, or doesn’t feel safe at school, something needs to be immediately done. Believe me, the aforementioned tragic events have registered with school officials and when I wrote this blog I was in no way, shape, or form referring to anything that would even remotely require due attention. I have talked to numerous school counselors across the country about the recent (and long overdue) attention given to bullying policies and procedures. Where I work we take incident very seriously and always intervene. Last week our very large school system spent a large chunk of time at the principals meeting discussing bullying policies and procedures, which every state and school district should have. I encourage you to find someone at the school that you can connect with who won’t dismiss an issue that requires immediate attention.

]]> By: Parent http://rosalindwiseman.com/2009/08/31/dear-parent-advice/comment-page-1/#comment-1910 Parent Wed, 28 Apr 2010 17:31:26 +0000 http://rosalindwiseman.com/?p=3127#comment-1910 You are absolutely right Leigh Ann.... the real problem is that they "pretend" things will be dealt with, that every student is safe at school, that they will do everything possible to see that is the case and unless and until you have a serious problem you do not realize it is not like that. The admin seems to think that parents don't know what they are talking about and every parent is over protective of their chid and their little problems will just go away so no action is taken. We have seen often enough that this is leading to deaths of children, either by their own hand or the reverse like Columbine. This hasn't seemed to register with school officials. The South Hadley is just another case where the admin and teachers did absolutely nothing until.....now they come out with a 4 page draft on anti-bullying which means that ever after knowing about all the other cases, one little boy just down the road, they still did nothing and still had no policies in place. Does anyone in that school district realize it was their job....that you don't wait for the first death before doing anything. In any other place but education this would be unaceptable and people would be losing their jobs, NOT HERE. it took 3 months to put out a 4-page draft and now they wait for thanks and congratulations. What kind of system is this...it's all too little, too late and still they protect one another, say they did nothing wrong and just keep doing it. Parents are afraid to send their kids to school.....can something be done? No they are not over protective parents, no they are not to be treated as an annoyance, no it is not a game we are playing. The arrogance of the school official is simply amazing.... You are absolutely right Leigh Ann….

the real problem is that they “pretend” things will be dealt with, that every student is safe at school, that they will do everything possible to see that is the case and unless and until you have a serious problem you do not realize it is not like that. The admin seems to think that parents don’t know what they are talking about and every parent is over protective of their chid and their little problems will just go away so no action is taken. We have seen often enough that this is leading to deaths of children, either by their own hand or the reverse like Columbine. This hasn’t seemed to register with school officials. The South Hadley is just another case where the admin and teachers did absolutely nothing until…..now they come out with a 4 page draft on anti-bullying which means that ever after knowing about all the other cases, one little boy just down the road, they still did nothing and still had no policies in place. Does anyone in that school district realize it was their job….that you don’t wait for the first death before doing anything. In any other place but education this would be unaceptable and people would be losing their jobs, NOT HERE. it took 3 months to put out a 4-page draft and now they wait for thanks and congratulations. What kind of system is this…it’s all too little, too late and still they protect one another, say they did nothing wrong and just keep doing it. Parents are afraid to send their kids to school…..can something be done? No they are not over protective parents, no they are not to be treated as an annoyance, no it is not a game we are playing. The arrogance of the school official is simply amazing….

]]> By: Leigh Anne Van Doren http://rosalindwiseman.com/2009/08/31/dear-parent-advice/comment-page-1/#comment-1909 Leigh Anne Van Doren Wed, 28 Apr 2010 16:55:53 +0000 http://rosalindwiseman.com/?p=3127#comment-1909 Oh how naive!! First of all, it is common practice in my school district to not respond to emails, phone calls or snail mail. Somehow the emails get accidentally sent to the trash folder and deleted. Phone messages are lost or occasionally, returned long after the due date mentioned in the message. If the problem relates to an administrator not doing his or her job, (ie not protecting girls being bullied because he/she is busy having an affair) then the entire school system will circle the wagons and engage in the behavior this woman describes: "nicknaming" , treating the parent is if s/he is crazy and systematically ignoring the children in distress under their care. This will extend all the way to the superintendent and school board members. I am so distressed to see yet another example of teachers and school employees seeing parents as the enemies who just don't get their world. And by the way, I volunteered, ran the book fair, brought the snacks, etc. for years. Oh how naive!! First of all, it is common practice in my school district to not respond to emails, phone calls or snail mail. Somehow the emails get accidentally sent to the trash folder and deleted. Phone messages are lost or occasionally, returned long after the due date mentioned in the message. If the problem relates to an administrator not doing his or her job, (ie not protecting girls being bullied because he/she is busy having an affair) then the entire school system will circle the wagons and engage in the behavior this woman describes: “nicknaming” , treating the parent is if s/he is crazy and systematically ignoring the children in distress under their care. This will extend all the way to the superintendent and school board members. I am so distressed to see yet another example of teachers and school employees seeing parents as the enemies who just don’t get their world. And by the way, I volunteered, ran the book fair, brought the snacks, etc. for years.

]]> By: Jayne http://rosalindwiseman.com/2009/08/31/dear-parent-advice/comment-page-1/#comment-1532 Jayne Sat, 10 Apr 2010 16:36:01 +0000 http://rosalindwiseman.com/?p=3127#comment-1532 Nicknames?! That's a mature way to handle difficult parents...and yes there are more than a few. Seriously, nicknames made up by teachers and school faculty are a prime example of why bullying is not being resolved in our schools. The staff is perpetuating the problem by acting immature. I have a senior girl, a sophomore boy and a seventh grade girl I am fully aware of how the system works. I have worked at athletic events, in the class rooms and any festival or function I can to be involved with not only my childs classmates but with the teacher and school staff. The best advice I ever received was from a retired school counselor - volunteer- let the staff, teachers and principle get to know you and the rest of your family. Making yourself accessible is the key. There are times when even this fails but you always have avenues, the superintendent and yes attorneys. You or your child should not be given a "nickname" by a teacher or staff member. Ever. Teachers are under paid in most areas of the country. Although, they do have religious holidays, fall, winter, spring and summer off. They were expected to participate in after school events, parent teacher conferences, and other school functions on their own time in the past but that has all changed. If it can't be done during school hours there is not much participation. There are not many jobs that you can consistently perform poorly and retain your position due to tenure. That is ridiculous in the extreme. I don't find your quips about students or parents the least bit entertaining. This is a good example of a teacher acting like a student. Your opinion would be different if you were a parent that has sent a child through school. There are many wonderful teachers and faculty members, they do not lower themselves to nicknames. Nicknames?! That’s a mature way to handle difficult parents…and yes there
are more than a few. Seriously, nicknames made up by teachers and school
faculty are a prime example of why bullying is not being resolved in our
schools. The staff is perpetuating the problem by acting immature. I have
a senior girl, a sophomore boy and a seventh grade girl I am fully aware of how
the system works. I have worked at athletic events, in the class rooms and any festival or function I can to be involved with not only my childs classmates but
with the teacher and school staff. The best advice I ever received was from a retired
school counselor – volunteer- let the staff, teachers and principle get to know you
and the rest of your family. Making yourself accessible is the key. There are times
when even this fails but you always have avenues, the superintendent and yes attorneys. You or your child should not be given a “nickname” by a teacher or staff member. Ever. Teachers are under paid in most areas of the country. Although, they do have religious holidays, fall, winter, spring and summer off. They were expected to participate in after school events, parent teacher conferences, and other school functions on their own time in the past but that has all changed. If it can’t be done during school hours there is not much participation. There are not many jobs that you can consistently perform poorly and retain your position due to tenure. That is ridiculous in the extreme. I don’t find your quips about students or parents the least
bit entertaining. This is a good example of a teacher acting like a student. Your opinion would be different if you were a parent that has sent a child through school. There are many wonderful teachers and faculty members, they do not lower themselves to nicknames.

]]> By: Parent http://rosalindwiseman.com/2009/08/31/dear-parent-advice/comment-page-1/#comment-1415 Parent Wed, 31 Mar 2010 18:11:59 +0000 http://rosalindwiseman.com/?p=3127#comment-1415 You are making this sound like cute little problems that a kindergarten student might have. I put three kids through school and the main concern was ducking responsibility and telling a lot of lies to protect a teacher, principal, or the reputation of the school. You are wrong to tell us that every teacher or every education worker is there for the good of the students and really care....no some definitely do not. A lot of what happens is just school policy, yes if it's a real issue and not fundraising then you won't be hearing from them for some time. There is a "standard" mode of operation, delay, regroup, close wagons, and yes lie. If the problem is with another student or students, depending on who they are, you might be able to solve it. If the problem is with a teacher or the principal - good luck with that. I have noticed they fight harder, use their legal team, isolate and threaten when they really do have something to hide. I have read that if you have a really serious problem you should go to the school with an avocate who has a Phd and a lawyer. You are making this sound like cute little problems that a kindergarten student might have. I put three kids through school and the main concern was ducking responsibility and telling a lot of lies to protect a teacher, principal, or the reputation of the school.

You are wrong to tell us that every teacher or every education worker is there for the good of the students and really care….no some definitely do not. A lot of what happens is just school policy, yes if it’s a real issue and not fundraising then you won’t be hearing from them for some time. There is a “standard” mode of operation, delay, regroup, close wagons, and yes lie. If the problem is with another student or students, depending on who they are, you might be able to solve it. If the problem is with a teacher or the principal – good luck with that. I have noticed they fight harder, use their legal team, isolate and threaten when they really do have something to hide.

I have read that if you have a really serious problem you should go to the school with an avocate who has a Phd and a lawyer.

]]> By: 100+ Parenting Mistakes. | 7Wins.eu http://rosalindwiseman.com/2009/08/31/dear-parent-advice/comment-page-1/#comment-1405 100+ Parenting Mistakes. | 7Wins.eu Sat, 20 Mar 2010 16:19:51 +0000 http://rosalindwiseman.com/?p=3127#comment-1405 [...] TulipGirl » Blog Archive » On the Pearls and Parenting, RepeatGreat Books for Christian Parents | Encouraging Words from Cary SchmidtSandra Rose - OMG: Shocking Family Affair At 2009 BET Awards Talking about a Parent Revolution | EdNewsColorado Trilastin Review – Stretch Mark Removal Cream | Parenting Advice100 blog topics I hope YOU write | Life in Student Ministry Dear Parents: Some Honest Advice for Interacting with Your Child’s School | Rosalind Wise... [...] [...] TulipGirl » Blog Archive » On the Pearls and Parenting, RepeatGreat Books for Christian Parents | Encouraging Words from Cary SchmidtSandra Rose – OMG: Shocking Family Affair At 2009 BET Awards Talking about a Parent Revolution | EdNewsColorado Trilastin Review – Stretch Mark Removal Cream | Parenting Advice100 blog topics I hope YOU write | Life in Student Ministry Dear Parents: Some Honest Advice for Interacting with Your Child’s School | Rosalind Wise… [...]

]]> By: vera http://rosalindwiseman.com/2009/08/31/dear-parent-advice/comment-page-1/#comment-1286 vera Mon, 11 Jan 2010 12:47:03 +0000 http://rosalindwiseman.com/?p=3127#comment-1286 thanks for the refreshingly honest view. unfortunately there are some school admin. who prefer to keep their heads in the sand about problems. i get calls back from teachers and admin. immediately when i am volunteering time or complimenting them. when i bring up issues of concern, i wait days for responses... thanks for the refreshingly honest view. unfortunately there are some school admin. who prefer to keep their heads in the sand about problems. i get calls back from teachers and admin. immediately when i am volunteering time or complimenting them. when i bring up issues of concern, i wait days for responses…

]]> By: Mary http://rosalindwiseman.com/2009/08/31/dear-parent-advice/comment-page-1/#comment-118 Mary Wed, 02 Sep 2009 02:39:13 +0000 http://rosalindwiseman.com/?p=3127#comment-118 I enjoyed the straight, but tender, talk in this article. In case anyone is wondering what the real deal is, please go to the top of the page and reread. I enjoyed the straight, but tender, talk in this article. In case anyone is wondering what the real deal is, please go to the top of the page and reread.

]]> By: Dawn http://rosalindwiseman.com/2009/08/31/dear-parent-advice/comment-page-1/#comment-117 Dawn Tue, 01 Sep 2009 20:31:52 +0000 http://rosalindwiseman.com/?p=3127#comment-117 So funny but so true! Thank you for enlightening a parents mind for what teacher and counselors really think of parents. Great advice, now I just need to follow it. So funny but so true! Thank you for enlightening a parents mind for what teacher and counselors really think of parents. Great advice, now I just need to follow it.

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