Rosalind Wiseman

I am not a parent. I don’t claim to be. However, working with parents is a favorite part of my job. I enjoy helping with the trials and tribulations of raising children; especially teenagers who tend to lose their minds for 6 years… straight.

Although I don’t have a live-in child, I do have a five-year-old brother (long story). Last summer I had an “aha Mom moment” that definitely broadened my horizons and gave me a glimpse of the protective parenting factor I previously never understood.

My brother, Tab was visiting me for the weekend and playing with another kid, Jack. They had built a fort and were playing inside of it. Suddenly Jack came tearing downstairs, stomping, hands on hip, looking completely flustered. “TABRUINEDTHEFORT!” Yes, all one word. I said I’d handle it and went upstairs pondering what I was going to do. I found Tab curled up in the corner, bottom lip out, face scrunched up, and huge crocodile tears were streaming down his completely innocent face. Only a corner of the fort was torn down (nonetheless, a major catastrophe for both boys) and was easily fixable. But after I saw his hurt little face, he could have cut the fort up with scissors and thrown the toys out of the window and I still would have defended him.

I know my small experience in no way, shape, or form is comparative to the realities of everyday parenting – but that moment helped me tremendously in understanding where parents come from when their child needs assistance. You want what is best for them. Always. I get that, sort of.

The beauty of growing up is teens are often afforded the opportunity to make mistakes and learn from them – if their parents let them. This advice is coming from my bleeding heart with good intentions, with the goal of helping you work with your child’s school effectively.

• Teach your child to self-advocate. Obviously this is a learned skill that grows with age. Most schools have websites that you can look at and make sure they are academically on track.
• Get involved with your child’s school. You can join the PTA/PTSA, volunteer in the classroom; help out at athletic events, proctor exams and state tests, etc. We love parent volunteers!
• When you see a teacher, counselor, or administrator out in public it is completely fine to acknowledge them – but don’t ask school related personal questions. “What did Seth get on his math test?” is not aisle 3 conversation.
• Don’t stalk. I always return phone calls and emails in a timely fashion, as most educators do. However, if you call me repeatedly (yes, I have caller ID), send me numerous emails, or drop in because you are “in the neighborhood” – I may wait a bit longer just because I am irritated.
• We don’t know what we don’t know. By “we”, I mean school counselors. If something is going on, tell us, especially if it is something serious. If your child is mortified and thinks that talking to a counselor will make everything “worse” – generally it won’t. It’s always a good idea to let us know.
• If you come to the school acting crazy, there is a strong possibility that someone will talk about you. We might even make up a nickname for you. Trust me, you don’t want that.
• Most schools have a lot of students. A lot of students equates to a lot of issues. We care about your child and your issue – but we have a lot. That doesn’t mean your problem is any less important. Keep that in mind.
• Your child is probably capable of doing something you never imagined he/she would do. A lot of those “things” are completely normal, age appropriate experimentation. It’s not your fault and doesn’t mean you are a bad parent. Good kids make big mistakes. I give parents credit for thinking, “Not my child.” Of course you don’t think your child could do something horrible/mean/illegal/or just plain stupid. And they don’t necessarily come home and say, “Hey Mom, guess what? I bullied three kids today, cheated on a test, and took a nap in science.” Most of them are different creatures in school and completely capable of everything you never imagined. Again, trust me.
• On that note, please don’t justify your child’s poor behavior, especially if there are discipline consequences given by a teacher or administrator. For example, if the school has a no cell phone policy, and your child is on the phone and it is taken away for a day, don’t come to the school swearing and demanding it back. It doesn’t matter how much the phone may be needed that evening. Your child broke the rule. There are consequences. This is a classic example of inappropriate behavior that will result in a nickname.
• Lastly, most educators truly love what they do. We are poorly paid, work way more than the 40 hour work week, and put up with a lot of nonsense. But allow me to repeat – we love it. I couldn’t imagine doing anything else. Support us, collaborate with us, and help us help you!

Wishing you a happy and successful 2009-2010 school year!