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Rosalind Wiseman is an internationally recognized author and educator on children, teens, parenting, education and social justice. Her work aims to help parents, educators and young people successfully navigate the social challenges of young adulthood.
Rosalind Wiseman
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My Mom Thinks I’m a Bad Kid!
Rosalind Wiseman answers a question from a teen girl whose mom is constantly checking up on her texts and emails, as well as going through her room to try and see if she can find evidence of a problem. Is she just being an alert parent or is she violating privacy in a way that will backfire?
August 27th, 2009 at 8:03 am
Thanks for your comments! Coach Nancy, I appreciate your comment because I think there is an important nuance to this question. Since the beginning of time teenagers have been ultra-sensitive about parents being in their business, even if it’s for their own good. In fact, I’m always telling parents that they absolutely have the right to check their kids’ text messages and ask to see their Facebook pages from time to time. When your kid knows he or she is subject to random checks there is a healthy amount of fear and paranoia that will hopefully help them think twice about what they text and type. The trouble with constant checks or a “guilty until proven innocent” mantra is that all it really encourages is for a kid to be really good at hiding things. So there definitely needs to be a balance, and like you said, making sure that your love for them is reinforced even when you’re needing to be more parental than friendly.
August 27th, 2009 at 5:40 am
Terrific advice!
August 26th, 2009 at 9:17 am
What stands out for me here is how the teen daughter associates her mother’s behavior w/an interpretation that she is ‘bad’. Moreover, it was interesting to hear that this self-labeling wanted to make her act ‘bad’. I think another big take-away for parents here is that we really need to make sure that unconditional love shines through regardless of the myriad of behaviors that can occur within a household. It’s amazing how quickly those labels become self-fulfilling prophecies!
Thanks, Rosalind