Rosalind Wiseman

Old school Batman and Robin.

This weekend while helping a friend out with a childcare issue, I had my first glimpse at a generation Y2K9 action figure.  It’s been a while since I’ve spent hours on a playroom floor littered with little plastic people, and as the little girl I was with introduced me to Barbie’s makeshift “husband” and “grandfather” (G.I. Joe and Batman dolls she had stolen from her brother), I couldn’t help but notice that Ken’s stand-in’s had been hitting the gym a lot harder than they had when I was younger.

I didn’t play with action figures, but my Ken doll resembled Jack Tripper – sandy, swooped hair and dorky clothes. And I didn’t remember G.I. Joe or other action figures looking much different except that one sported fatigues while the other preferred a sweater vest. New G.I. Joe, on the other hand, sports a mustache, huge protruding muscles, and a six-pack clearly visible through his tight slinky t-shirt. Batman looked the same, sans the mustache. I was disturbed.  And her Barbie’s–I can’t even go there.  If you have read my previous blogs you know how I feel about them. My brief encounter with these male action figures motivated me to write a few words about boys and body image.

Our society tends to view body image as a girl issue.  As a middle school counselor, allow me to assure you that boy body image woes are just as prevalent as their chromosomal opposite. However, boys internalize their feelings and project them in aggressive or indirect ways, whereas girls are expected to externalize feelings and are more blatant. Think about it:

• Girls get validation from other girls.  They constantly ask one another if they look OK (yes, you look great – I like look soooooo bad, OMG no you don’t – I look totally worse.)  I have yet to hear a boy, in middle school, ask another boy if his hair looks OK or if his butt looks big.
• Girls are more intimate with one another, therefore feel more comfortable discussing concerns– valid or not. For example, girls don’t think twice about climbing into bed together at a sleepover, are constantly sitting on each others laps (even if I have 4 chairs in my office – girls go to laps,) will go into the dressing room together while shopping, etc. I have NEVER had a boy sit on another boy’s lap in my office, nor have I heard of 6 middle school boys sharing a bed at a sleepover.
• If a girl has a zit, she can cover it up.  Girls can wear makeup, nail polish, earrings, and have more clothes options. Boys are not afforded these clever disguises.  When they are going through that awkward smelly, acne, crusty stage they just have to roll with it.
• The images displayed in mainstream media are nearly impossible for a boy, especially a teen boy, to obtain without the use of steroids (which are becoming a growing concern.)  Have you looked at a Men’s Health magazine lately? Or have you seen the teen boys portrayed in pop culture shows/videos/movies? Absurdity at it’s finest.
• Boys constantly make fun of each other’s appearance.  From weight, to height, to sexual preference, to alleged penis size – I have heard it all. As an unwritten, but clearly understood rule, girls generally do not do this – at least not to your face.  Adult men do it to each other as well. Have you ever heard a man jokingly ask another man when the baby is due?  No woman would say that to someone who clearly isn’t pregnant.  Ever.

Today's performance-enhanced Batman.

I could go on, but you get the point. So, how do you help males develop a healthy body image?  With a few glaring exceptions, the same way you would help a girl. Boys tend to value muscles over thinness and gaining over losing.  They need to be able to define masculinity in an appropriate way.  This skill needs to be taught early on by parents/role models because our culture’s definition is not the ideal.  They need non-aggressive characteristics that have nothing to do with weight or body size.   The language also needs to change when talking about helping kids with body image. I realize that girls/women talk about it more and I don’t think our society will ever be much different.  However, planting the seeds early may leave the door open for later conversation and make it a little more “OK” to discuss. Lastly, while I consider myself more versed in helping “girls” with body image, it’s solely because I am a girl!  But that doesn’t mean I don’t help boys.  Nor am I afraid to help boys.  It’s actually a welcome change.  I do think it is important for males to have positive same sex role models, but that doesn’t mean that a female educator, parent, or friend can’t help.  Women can be exemplary role models for boys and a great resource.

To summarize:

Step 1 – get rid of any child’s toy with a six-pack and/or a mustache.

Step 2 – talk.

Step 3 – keep talking.

Step 4 – watch popular television, listen to music lyrics, look at magazine images, then…

Step 5 – challenge them.

Step 6 — keep talking.