Rosalind Wiseman

There is a new book on the block, and it’s a must read for every woman, every mother, and anyone who interacts with adolescent girls.  You’d Be So Pretty If…Teaching Our Daughters to Love Their Bodies–Even When We Don’t Love Our Own was written by freelancer Dara Chadwick after chronicling her year-long weight loss journey for Shape Magazine. (Follow her on Twitter: @darachadwick) Along the way, Chadwick had many “aha” moments about her own mother’s role in shaping her body image.  Determined to instill healthy values in her adolescent daughter, Chadwick decided to write a book that doesn’t place blame or preach, but challenges mothers to reflect upon their own experiences with body image, change them, and raise confident young women.

I heard about this book from an audience member at a recent speaking engagement in South Dakota.  She told me she was reading You’d Be So Pretty If…and that my presentation had some of the same advice.  Intrigued, I went and picked it up.  I read it cover to cover – twice.  Mind you, I have been speaking to school counselors, educators, parents, and teens for years about body image and the media. Chadwick writes what I speak about:

• Teaching mothers to accept themselves – (don’t stare in the mirror all day complaining about how fat and ugly you are and expect your daughter to be thrilled when someone says “you look just like your mother.”)
• Teaching teens about the media industry and how to be savvy media consumers opposed to trying to shield them. Mainstream media, as corrupt as it is, offers plenty of potentially amazing mother/daughter conversations.  Also – do I dare venture to guess that if your son, who isn’t the next Michael Jordan – but LOVES basketball, was reading a basketball magazine – you probably wouldn’t take it and say, “honey, you shouldn’t be reading that, you are never going to be in the NBA.” No. But mothers send that exact message when they refuse to let their daughters explore all of the age appropriate teen culture magazines.
• Dads…oh the poor dads. They can say the most ridiculous comments and truly don’t have a clue. If I had a dime for every girl that has bawled in my office over something her father said, I could retire early.

There are many more, an eerie example of truly understanding the wicked mind games that eating disorders and body image woes play.  If you have struggled, you just get it. When I speak, It is hard to say everything I want to about rearing healthy minded girls in 1.5 or 3 hours. I could talk for days.

My mother and father never said those dreaded 5 words to me as a child.  Instead, my father made a comment about every woman who was bigger than a size 2.  I grew up thinking that average sized = failure.  My mother would spend hours at the mall, trying on clothes and making disparaging remarks about her body.  When my sister and I tried on something she would always say it was too tight.  It could have been a moo moo from Mrs. Ropers closet and it still would have been “too tight.”  When she got mad, instead of punishing us she would refuse to eat.  Did they mean to damage me?  Absolutely not, but they planted the seeds. Chadwick does a beautiful job of clearly articulating to parents how their words can hurt – even the well intended words.

Raising a girl in today’s society is challenging.  How can you instill a healthy body image in an adolescent when they are constantly bombarded with the message that they don’t measure up?  By honesty, explanation, support, and positive reinforcement.  It can be done – otherwise I wouldn’t do the work I do.  What I admire most about Chadwick is that instead of wallowing in her past, she is using it to change the lives of women and girls everywhere.  A lot of souls will be spared because of her words.  That is what our line of work is about and personally keeps me going.

My favorite phrase of the book comes at the end.  Chadwick asked her daughter if she had any pre-publication last minute words of wisdom about body image.  Her response?  “I think body image is what you say to yourself and what you show to the world.” I think Chadwick accomplished her initial goal.

You’d Be So Pretty If… will certainly be my first parent book club read next year. I end every body image presentation with one of my favorite quotes, “Take care of your body, you live there.” Happy Reading!