Rosalind Wiseman

I am so glad Lisa Belkin wrote the article the “End of Over-Parenting” in last week’s New York Times. As someone who works with parents and a mother of two sons, 6 and 8, Belkin’s take is refreshing, overdue, and one I hope parents take to heart. In fact, I’m going to take it as an opportunity to self-reflect.

I am more than fairly confident that no one in my family or group of friends would ever describe me as a helicopter parent. But it does insidiously influence me as I often bounce between guilt that I’m not on top of my parenting responsibilities, defiance that there’s no way I could keep up anyway, and judgment that those parents who do are incredibly annoying. Nevertheless, I do have moments of awe when I meet parents who never forget things like teacher conferences, sign their kids up on time for extra-curricular activities, and somehow convince their children to wear things like button down shirts…or underwear.

Now, since I advise people on how to raise their own children for a living, I easily feel under a microscope when my children don’t listen or embarrass me. So, in the spirit of encouraging more moms and dads to ease up on themselves and other parents, I want to share with you some of my more obvious non-helicopter moments.

•    I let my kids swim in a creek near my house that is known for having waste-water run off. Yes, I’ve told them what’s in that water, but my sons shrug and wade in anyway. And more often than not, I just don’t feel like stopping them.
•    I never refer to my children as “over-tired” or “having a sugar rush.” Instead, when my children are being brats, I prefer the more flexible term of “jackass.”
•    Last year I had just sat down in an airplane seat when my cell phone rang. It was my son’s principal. I looked at the screen debating what the possible reason for this call was and I knew the answer– and it wasn’t about what an angel my son was being. I turned off the phone.
•    As I write this, I just looked over to see a green flyer on my dining room table announcing yet another school function I forgot to attend.
•    I hate hosting and attending children’s birthday parties. I have even more intense loathing for themed parties.
•    Sometimes I let them eat chocolate for breakfast.

But in case you’re wondering, there are some things on which I won’t compromise:
•    They never sit at the dinner table playing a video game.
•    They must always write thank you letters.
•    They know how to do laundry and fold their own clothes.
•    I never buy them neon-colored breakfast cereal.
•    When they throw a rock at a neighbor’s window and break it, even if “it wasn’t their idea,” they have to apologize in person and pay for the damage with their savings.

So, as I grab my vodka tonic at the end of the day, let me raise my glass to all the parents out there. It’s okay to admit our failures and our moments of not caring. Yes, we love our kids and want the best for them.  But we also admit that while we do the best we can, we have moments in which we give up and don’t do our absolute best. Let’s toast to choosing our battles, laughing when we make mistakes, and giving each other a break. May we all aspire to greatness.