Rosalind Wiseman

Today is my last day with the students at Apex Middle School.  I have been with them for three years and have thoroughly enjoyed every most moments with them.  I’ve always said it’s the adults that make my work difficult (and I am not speaking of parents either.)  A few months ago a position became available at one of our feeder high schools.  I interviewed, was offered the position, and without hesitation I accepted.  I feel fortunate to follow them to high school, as most of our students feed into Apex High.  I have done a lot of reflecting this past week about my experiences at middle school. When I was in South Dakota a few weeks ago I was introduced as an “expert.” It made me laugh.  With squirrely middle school students, I am constantly reminded that I am not an expert.  That is the beauty of education, each day you learn something new.  I make mistakes – I learn.  I think I am right – I am wrong.  I think I said the wrong thing – it was right.  Nothing is ever cookie cutter and the end result has me learning more from them that they will ever learn from me.  As I leave the middle school world and embark on my new journey into high school, I’d like to leave all of you with my shortened version of “what I know for sure” about this species.  If you have an adolescent, know an adolescent, or work with adolescents – you know what I mean.

1. It is never worth it to get into a power struggle, especially in front of their friends. They NEVER back down.
2. They all need you to hear them out. Even if every other word is “like” and you have no idea what they are talking about, they will eventually get to the point.  Maybe.
3. If a middle school student comes to you with a problem you consider “petty” or “insignificant”– listen. Yes, they are dramatic and like they are like going to like totally die at any given moment – but sometimes they are testing you. If you ignore the small things, you will NEVER hear the big things.
4. Middle school students, like every other generation, never respond to ridicule or shame. Ever. If you start to do this, get out of education.
5. Don’t ever let a middle school student anger you.  They all lose their minds from time to time. Yes, they can frustrate, irritate, and make you feel insane – but not angry.
6. They are judging creatures and label everything, if it’s not cruel or unethical, let it go.
7. On that note, never judge them. They are judged nonstop by their culture, their friends, family, and themselves.  They are all struggling with identity issues and if they are not hurting anyone – take a photo for the yearbook or to display at their wedding.
8. RESPECT goes a long way. “GET TO CLASS” can be said differently, “Hey Marc -where are you headed”, with better results.
9. Don’t be a dream killer.  Even if they tell you that they want to be the President and fly to the moon while playing in the NBA.  Say, “Wow that sounds like a busy schedule – what makes you interested in those careers?” Then, “what kind grades do you think you need to get into college for those awesome careers?” They are in middle school.  Let them be motivated and inspired.
10. They suffer from imaginary audience syndrome.  They think everyone is watching everything they do.  It is dreadfully real to them.  Work through it.
11. Always follow through. If you pronounce that you are going to do something, do it.  They won’t forget.
12. Adults don’t know anything unless they need something – usually a ride, money, or food. Get used to it.
13. Lastly, on that note – when you think you aren’t making a difference – you are.

That is what I love about middle school.  You can be their worst enemy one second, and best friend the next.  They need boundaries and unequivocal (yet loving) relationships.  When I tell people what I do the response is always “Yikes” or “I can’t stand middle school kids.” I laugh.  It takes a special soul to raise, work, and/or interact by choice with them each day.  And as I have said before, kudos to all of you in it for the long haul, because a long haul it is.

Happy Summer!